Lord, I am here this morning and processing. My mind has time to think about things because I am finally on vacation with a very open schedule.
I woke a little shaky this morning but I assume it is from low blood sugar. It is strange when you wake up feeling extremely weak and completely out of it when in fact you know you have had the required Zzzz's for once in your life. I am a Starbucks. A place I never linger any longer. There is jazz in the background which reminds me of swing dancing...a wonderful past time! The computer I am on is a bit dusty and I wipe around the black edges with the soft ball of my finger to attempt to remedy the situation as I see fit.
Next up in order of discussion, my beverage. This wonderful drink sitting beside me which takes years of creative concocting! I change drinks frequently but the new one of choice took no practice. It was a combination of genius from all the years of flavor practice. It's one flaw; the sugar free combination which I am opposed to because the unhealthiness of the stuff. Sometimes, I just cannot win. I need some level of sugar because mine is too low. I do not want the overload of sugar required for other health reasons and because the large caloric intake involved in such a wonderful beverage. Needless to say I will sit here and attempt at the enjoyment of such a wonderfully crafted art form and I will think about how much it relates to life.
Back to the drink which I cannot allow you to forget about. This drink is tall, light, strong and sweet, just like I like men (of course I just like men in general but you are nearly required to end your sentence about coffee like that). This one is decaf. I have recently switched to decaf primarily for health reasons. Caffeine is a wonderful and delightful substance that takes its turn at being an addiction. This is the first strike against the beautiful stuff. Since said mixture is addictive, and I being the addictive personality I am, completely love the stuff.
Now, for some people this is fine but I tend to be addicted to drinks. Now, let us mix the 2 together and you have someone who loves coffee and drinks it quite frequently in the day. This causes health problems long-term, short-term, and can wreak havoc on one's personal budget. Also, I have recently and off and on in my life had weird spells of weakness and dizziness. It tends to get worse when I am working out a lot and watching what I eat. Also, the problem gets extremely bad when I finish running a half marathon. Within hours I am sick as a dog. Terrible headache. Tossing my cookies. Unexplained issue ahead. This is something I get completely sick of like any sane human would. In order to try and remedy said issue I decided to finally go to the E.R. when I was in one of my spells. This situation gets its own paragraph as I am deathly afraid of hospitals.
Hospitals: a place I have spent much of my childhood though not for myself. Directly relating to family and the amount of time they have spent in hospitals. I, myself have spent one or two terrible nights in J.r. High for the removal of my appendix (which apparently serves zero purpose because I have never even noticed it's disappearance from my inside minus the constant reminder from the small scar I have that sits just below my bikini line). Now, the E.R. You check yourself in which I have no idea how to do. I stand in line and pull out my insurance card. I have been dizzy and a bit sick to my stomach for a couple hours now. I was at work and managed to get the princess shift at work so I had a short day with no lunch. I attempted to gnaw my way through a small protein bar to alleviate any hunger that would occur and yet, I was still a bit sick. This hospital is rather nice and there seems to be a very short line so I am next. You are asked what is wrong with you. Well miss, where do I begin? I am reminded there is a specific reason I have checked myself in and since I am not bleeding and there are no limbs missing I will have to describe what is wrong with me. I have checked in and now am wearing a wrist band. I feel like the "I am over 21" and am now allowed to drink situation is going on for that is the only time I wear such item. I sit. Not too long but long enough.
Next up the name call. I hear my name boomed out and I am still calm though nearing panic. They make me step on the scale (and thankfully it is in kilograms, and there is no way I can do the conversion so there is one less panic point for me there). Then, the guy (and there are 3 people for this because there are 2 training) shoves a thermometer in my mouth which I proceed to spit out because he has not given me time to spit the wad of gum out yet. He pokes directly into the stuff and I know this will affect the reading so we now have to begin all over. From there, they take my blood pressure and pulse. I am still alive, still breathing and perfectly fine until, they bring out a wheelchair.
Wheelchairs scare me. Hospitals are white and cold. My heart begins racing as I am wheeled alone into a room. There I am told to gown up but I can keep my pants on. Whew...I am thankful for that because I am already cold, thinking I will have to walk around the hospital in a gown and for this specific day, had decided not to wear panties. Thank You Father in heaven is where I am at in this particular part of the process because those darn gowns flash everyone. And, like I have already stated, I had woken up that morning and for reasons unknown to me decided I did not need all the usual layers of clothing. How often do you think about the fact you might end up in the E.R. wearing a gown that ties in the back and flashed everyone behind you? Now, gowned up, I sit and wait. I discover this room has movies I can choose and so the debate occurs. I end up with The Blindside because I just love that movie and there is no telling what amount of time I will be watching it so this way I can come in and out of it comfortably.
Next up, testing! A very nice female nurse comes in the room and she speaks. She sounds rather like a child when she speaks because her voice is very high and baby talk like. This makes me feel a little better for the moment. As this continues however it sounds like she is so excited about sticking a needle in me and providing all kinds of wonderful testing that I am no longer enjoying the situation. I get a needle poked in my arm and blood sucked out. Even worse, I am told the D.r. has ordered an IV in case dehydration is the root cause of my problems. Therefore the bloodsucker will remain in my arm until they hook me up to a dripping situation. From there, I am told we are blood pressure testing me. So, I have to have a series of stand up, lay down, and sitting while the machine chooses to take my pressure at specified intervals. Next up, the pee in a cup situation. I feel like I am in trouble as I march off to the bathroom to dewater my bladder into a clear cup. I bring the cup back and wait. The nurse excitedly states "negative." "Negative?" "We had to pregnancy test you," she exclaims. This is weird to me since I already had told the nurses there was no way on this planet I could be pregnant. I did not have to go into a description here but if they had asked I would have let them know that it is considerably difficult to get pregnant when one has never had sex. However, I guess protocol states they must test me. The nurse replies "Well, when you come in and mention you are late, you’re dizzy, and your nauseas, what do you expect us to think?" Being female...
Now, from there I have a number of other tests and now know I am not pregnant. I have a cat scan which is uneventful. The most trauma came from the EKG. Having never experience an EKG before I was not aware of the unexciting process. I was however thankful that I had a female taking my test. For an EKG they ask you to completely take off your top (I feel rather like I should get paid for this and not them). From this point you are topless, in a freezing room when a nurse pulls out a series of cords. This is completely not exciting as you find out this cords are about to be attached to various areas of your chest and end somewhere on your feet. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. And thankfully...it is a short test because this is just awkward.
Now, all that testing and what do you think? They have no idea. I speak to someone in my family and I have already mentioned to the ER workers that my family has both high and low blood sugar in our family. They cannot tell me anything but my grandfather who suffers from low blood sugar states that it seems I have the same think he has because that is how he feels. So, today I will have to borrow one of their machines in order to do actual blood testing. I have attempted to regulate my blood sugar the last week and it seems like that is the culprit. And all that leads me back to this perfect beverage I am sucking my way through.
Now, the beverage is an Iced Decaf Venti 2 pump white mocha, 4 pump sugar free cinnamon dulce, soy, no whip, latte with a small straw. This drink holds more than just flavor however. It also appears to represent many things to me. As I think about the sugar free nature of the beverage I think about a spiritual comparison. We as people want what we want, the sweet things in life without the commitment or the results that follow.
Have you ever thought about that before? I am lost thinking about how much I want something sweet without having to take responsibility for the calories. Life offers me a sugar free substitute. The interested part of this is that it directly relates to how we are. The sugar free with have health repercussions involved but I choose to drink it anyway. I enjoy the momentary but in that moment forget about the long term. I fight the commitment involved in the process. I wonder how often we do that with God. How often do we forget about the spiritual and live for the momentary gain or the short-term? I want the sugar but do not want the real stuff which is so much better.
I know that is a lot to explain a little but that is so much how I think. Life is a series of lessons God is teaching us. There is more than I can ever imagine and more than I can ever understand. Yet, God is worth the understanding. He is worth the time. He is beauty and good. He is so much more than I will ever know. He is the perfection. The thing that last. The good in everything. We are drawn close yet sometimes choose the things that are good and not the thing that is best. I do not choose the author and the sweetest most perfect thing. I choose the substitute. I choose the lesser love. I pursue the things that do not last but only linger for a moment.
My God, deserves far more.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Mornings
I sit this morning listening to Pat McGee Pandora, sipping my coffee (which is an exceptionally lovely blending of situations I created), and thinking about God. Father, thank you for the birds that sing just outside the lingering and open window. The way the breeze feels...sometimes any touch is just enough. Just enough to remind me that You are near. Nearer than I think. Nearer than I give You credit for. I have little time with You this morning but Father, I am just thankful today.
Thankful for the few minutes I can squeeze in of rest. May I find my rest in You. Father, may I linger here just, longer. You ask us to come and yet we forget You. We search and are beaten by the life inside and out. Yet still, You wait. You love more than I will ever understand. Yet, we long for lesser love still.
Thank You for Your beauty. You draw me in. One sweet moment that I so quickly forget. The weight of the world can feel so heavy when I try and hold it up myself. This morning, I want nothing more than to linger and think about You.
This morning. Before getting ready for the day...may I begin to seek You. I need that. Those moments. I need to know You. This morning...I will start the Ruth study guide. So many things about that make me smile this morning. Lord, the irony? Or perhaps the plans I think I have for my life. You made me a planner. That is what I do.
Journal. This Lord is public or private because I do not care to hide my love. If my life is caught up in You than why live it in secret. I promised months ago to begin blogging again. Yet, I do not write for others but Father, may I write for You.
The beating in my heart. You know it. You write it. It moves. The steady speeding up. The songs that make it race. The overwhelming feelings that are held captive there. I am held entirely captive by You. To taste the sweetness of that, of You.
I breathe the air You make. I softly fall. You are love. You love when I am so unlovable. You hold me yet.
Calming. The storms that arise. Lord, may I know that You are my first love. May I forget the things that I so quickly tangle myself in. May I know that everything is held up to Your standard.
When my last five minutes are up may I not walk into the day and forget You. You are a gentle strength. I long for that more than anything. I need that. I need You. I forget that. But,how? You’re in everything and everywhere. And, I react.
May the You in everything sink deeply in. May it distract me completely. And, the day must begin...
Thankful for the few minutes I can squeeze in of rest. May I find my rest in You. Father, may I linger here just, longer. You ask us to come and yet we forget You. We search and are beaten by the life inside and out. Yet still, You wait. You love more than I will ever understand. Yet, we long for lesser love still.
Thank You for Your beauty. You draw me in. One sweet moment that I so quickly forget. The weight of the world can feel so heavy when I try and hold it up myself. This morning, I want nothing more than to linger and think about You.
This morning. Before getting ready for the day...may I begin to seek You. I need that. Those moments. I need to know You. This morning...I will start the Ruth study guide. So many things about that make me smile this morning. Lord, the irony? Or perhaps the plans I think I have for my life. You made me a planner. That is what I do.
Journal. This Lord is public or private because I do not care to hide my love. If my life is caught up in You than why live it in secret. I promised months ago to begin blogging again. Yet, I do not write for others but Father, may I write for You.
The beating in my heart. You know it. You write it. It moves. The steady speeding up. The songs that make it race. The overwhelming feelings that are held captive there. I am held entirely captive by You. To taste the sweetness of that, of You.
I breathe the air You make. I softly fall. You are love. You love when I am so unlovable. You hold me yet.
Calming. The storms that arise. Lord, may I know that You are my first love. May I forget the things that I so quickly tangle myself in. May I know that everything is held up to Your standard.
When my last five minutes are up may I not walk into the day and forget You. You are a gentle strength. I long for that more than anything. I need that. I need You. I forget that. But,how? You’re in everything and everywhere. And, I react.
May the You in everything sink deeply in. May it distract me completely. And, the day must begin...
Saturday, October 02, 2010
Emergence
Our culture as an integrated system of connections can be summarized by the basic form of a slime mold. While sitting down and watching the simplest of organisms we find very interrelated processes and thinking patterns. In the emergences of life and culture we continue to explore the way things work through looking at basic connections between ants, the human brain, computer programs, city development, and let’s not forget the importance of the slim mold. Is this the beginning of understanding a culture or is culture something that bears no logical explanation for it?
We sit and watch the movements of the smallest and most seemingly uncomplex organisms we can find to try and wrap our minds around people. Our creative abilities and brains are racked are we are forced to change our ideas and explore the finite mind to push forth and discover explanations for everything. I would hope that everything in the world is not explainable though I am one who loves to seek patterns and explanations for the world around me. If we take a look at systems we see patterns that are explained by bottom up or upward down structures. We also are trying to break the way our minds think by discovering new and innovative ways to create and mold society.
The slime mold and the ants show us first and foremost a very unique pattern on life organized. Both of these two organisms can seem to appear very different yet at the core become their own form of organized society. The culture that exists appears adaptive and led but without a dictator or leader. Ants move about and base life off of communication and adaption. It is not the social system that we are used to and is unique to human thinking. Ants follow pheromones and limited “conversations” with each other. It is similar to a picture in a computer game that is explained in the book by Steven Johnson called “Emergence.” There are wind-up toys that the game player sets into motion. Once in motion the other wind-up toys will respond not only to patterns but will change their responses based off the other wind-up toys they encounter. If the computer programmer were to ingrate things like speed bumps, walls or other things the patterns would change not simply based off communication or the encounter with other wind-up toys but also other factors. The ants communicate and take “jobs” based off the need. They must have a calculation system always going about in their minds because they can base this change off what the need is and how many ants are doing the same job. They continue to follow the need and are able to do so very successfully without being told. The system works and everything that needs to happen is accomplished for the ant colony. What a spectacular system put into place for the purpose of the ant colonies existence. How is it that life can survive and how can a leaderless society thrive? We watch and learn as unlike the human view of the “tragedy of the commons,” in the lives of ants there is a systematic organization that works and is collective in nature.
You may be an avid believer in evolution. For you the world evolved from itself and these patterns just worked out from train and error. You believe entirely in chance and in mutations creating the complexity of life as we know it. I believe in a Biblical view of the word and creation. There were times biblically speaking where there was not the existence of a human leader. People were directed from God and other less officially leaders. Man asked for a leader and in the O.T. they appointed a king. However, people still needed to be led. We are reminded in the Bible in the New Testament how selfish we are and there is constant reminders to give to others in need and what a society looks like when it operates as one rather than how it operates when we look to the individual needs. Humans are taught not to be selfish. I watch little children and we spend more time teaching them what is good for society as a whole. Perhaps it is very cultural though I can still tell you even though I want to help others my desires are often selfish. If we look to other tribes and natures and cultures they offer much more community oriented life. There still exists within those systems leaders or people out to do harm or to take something or someone that does not belong to them. What does that look like in the slime mold model? Is the answer for evolutionist in the society that exists amidst the apes? Does the answer lie in man being made in the image of God and having a soul?
We do not teach children to say mine or me. We inherently think about ourselves and what we want. What is so different and what sets apart humans from insects in the way we do life? We have to learn and we have to fight our nature to the core. Perhaps it is an issue of sin on behalf of man. When we act like animals we are told we are acting out of instinct or not to act like an animal because there are higher expectations for the manners that are appropriate for human behavior. The rules are different. What sets the rules and standards and norms of the cultures and society we live in? Why is the insect world and animal kingdom so different? What is it that catches our attention and causes us to react? Is it the Jiminy Cricket called our conscience? Is it the Biblical Holy Spirit that works through us to teach us right from wrong? There are defined rules that most men and women see as inherently wrong and others that will be constant issues we stand and fight for or against. There is something so different and unique about humans the amazing way we organize. Do we have free will or are we simply organized and moving about the planet based off a systematic approach to life that we have yet to understand? Are we less organic and less individualistic then we first thought ourselves to be? Is there a larger combination of things at work?
I have very strong beliefs and arguments but I have to believe that there are some things we do based off the way we are created. A complex structure of genes and DNA that make me up and the amazing circumstances that surround my life will cause me to become a certain person. Mix these with my beliefs, my family, my God, my actions and the way life will treat me. These are going to be so unique for each person how can we every narrow it down to a simple understanding? We can try to find patterns which will be extraordinarily useful in evaluating society. We want desperately to understand the implications that surround the why, the who, the what, then when and the how. Perhaps there is some direction intermixed with free will. Perhaps it is beyond our guesses and understanding. Yet, we continue to explore emergence.
We explore emergence through computer games and programming. We can watch and study people and children and look into the behavior that shapes the culture we live in. We look at actions and reactions and try and create our own order through a system of disorder. There are organized patterns. We look internally. There exists areas that I am interested in where we try and uncover the depths of people and their behavior. The sciences are exploratory facets where we seek complete understanding and answers to questions we cannot define. What if there is not an explanation for manual for everything in life? We want answers but how do you explain the unexplainable and the things that move beyond science and reason?
Meanwhile we study. We watch and wait as we observe and discover new ways of thinking. We study human behavior and watch the lives around us. We look at psychology and study personalities. We watch the cultures in cities and how things spring up and grow around us. There are patterns and some of these are set aside by systems and authorities. Yet, there remains the mystery of emergence and how some systems develop by having a bottom up approach. We seek to leave our mark and to be individual. The systems are learning to develop to us. I cannot explain why certain people and cultures gravitate toward certain areas. Perhaps it is people who seek the change that create the culture. It could be a slow trickle or happen by accident. It could be a divine appointment that moves someone from one direction in life to another. What is the glue that appears magical and holds the systems together? The slime mold was multiple pieces that come together and once there move more like one force.
There are now objects and computers trying to duplicate the human intelligence. These programs try to go beyond our understanding and help us to figure out what in the world is going on here. We continue to observe because we have no other choice. We have systems of advertisement and television that begin to be interactive and try and engage in our personal systems. I have emails and links that load automatically on my computer that offer compelling advertisements for the things I am interested in. I am being watched and I am being studied yet so are you. The world is continuing to move with many forces that drive it. The organization changes and so do the leaders. Systems continue to develop. What is really going on? There is something yet to me mysterious and beautiful in this unknown and I don’t have the answers. Not having the answers I continue to search and in doing so change life as much as life changes me. Am I in a defined system or do I define the system? “If you don’t like the way things work today, change the system.” (Johnson, Emergence, 162) Are we catalysts for change or is it a combination with something much bigger and more unknown going on?
We sit and watch the movements of the smallest and most seemingly uncomplex organisms we can find to try and wrap our minds around people. Our creative abilities and brains are racked are we are forced to change our ideas and explore the finite mind to push forth and discover explanations for everything. I would hope that everything in the world is not explainable though I am one who loves to seek patterns and explanations for the world around me. If we take a look at systems we see patterns that are explained by bottom up or upward down structures. We also are trying to break the way our minds think by discovering new and innovative ways to create and mold society.
The slime mold and the ants show us first and foremost a very unique pattern on life organized. Both of these two organisms can seem to appear very different yet at the core become their own form of organized society. The culture that exists appears adaptive and led but without a dictator or leader. Ants move about and base life off of communication and adaption. It is not the social system that we are used to and is unique to human thinking. Ants follow pheromones and limited “conversations” with each other. It is similar to a picture in a computer game that is explained in the book by Steven Johnson called “Emergence.” There are wind-up toys that the game player sets into motion. Once in motion the other wind-up toys will respond not only to patterns but will change their responses based off the other wind-up toys they encounter. If the computer programmer were to ingrate things like speed bumps, walls or other things the patterns would change not simply based off communication or the encounter with other wind-up toys but also other factors. The ants communicate and take “jobs” based off the need. They must have a calculation system always going about in their minds because they can base this change off what the need is and how many ants are doing the same job. They continue to follow the need and are able to do so very successfully without being told. The system works and everything that needs to happen is accomplished for the ant colony. What a spectacular system put into place for the purpose of the ant colonies existence. How is it that life can survive and how can a leaderless society thrive? We watch and learn as unlike the human view of the “tragedy of the commons,” in the lives of ants there is a systematic organization that works and is collective in nature.
You may be an avid believer in evolution. For you the world evolved from itself and these patterns just worked out from train and error. You believe entirely in chance and in mutations creating the complexity of life as we know it. I believe in a Biblical view of the word and creation. There were times biblically speaking where there was not the existence of a human leader. People were directed from God and other less officially leaders. Man asked for a leader and in the O.T. they appointed a king. However, people still needed to be led. We are reminded in the Bible in the New Testament how selfish we are and there is constant reminders to give to others in need and what a society looks like when it operates as one rather than how it operates when we look to the individual needs. Humans are taught not to be selfish. I watch little children and we spend more time teaching them what is good for society as a whole. Perhaps it is very cultural though I can still tell you even though I want to help others my desires are often selfish. If we look to other tribes and natures and cultures they offer much more community oriented life. There still exists within those systems leaders or people out to do harm or to take something or someone that does not belong to them. What does that look like in the slime mold model? Is the answer for evolutionist in the society that exists amidst the apes? Does the answer lie in man being made in the image of God and having a soul?
We do not teach children to say mine or me. We inherently think about ourselves and what we want. What is so different and what sets apart humans from insects in the way we do life? We have to learn and we have to fight our nature to the core. Perhaps it is an issue of sin on behalf of man. When we act like animals we are told we are acting out of instinct or not to act like an animal because there are higher expectations for the manners that are appropriate for human behavior. The rules are different. What sets the rules and standards and norms of the cultures and society we live in? Why is the insect world and animal kingdom so different? What is it that catches our attention and causes us to react? Is it the Jiminy Cricket called our conscience? Is it the Biblical Holy Spirit that works through us to teach us right from wrong? There are defined rules that most men and women see as inherently wrong and others that will be constant issues we stand and fight for or against. There is something so different and unique about humans the amazing way we organize. Do we have free will or are we simply organized and moving about the planet based off a systematic approach to life that we have yet to understand? Are we less organic and less individualistic then we first thought ourselves to be? Is there a larger combination of things at work?
I have very strong beliefs and arguments but I have to believe that there are some things we do based off the way we are created. A complex structure of genes and DNA that make me up and the amazing circumstances that surround my life will cause me to become a certain person. Mix these with my beliefs, my family, my God, my actions and the way life will treat me. These are going to be so unique for each person how can we every narrow it down to a simple understanding? We can try to find patterns which will be extraordinarily useful in evaluating society. We want desperately to understand the implications that surround the why, the who, the what, then when and the how. Perhaps there is some direction intermixed with free will. Perhaps it is beyond our guesses and understanding. Yet, we continue to explore emergence.
We explore emergence through computer games and programming. We can watch and study people and children and look into the behavior that shapes the culture we live in. We look at actions and reactions and try and create our own order through a system of disorder. There are organized patterns. We look internally. There exists areas that I am interested in where we try and uncover the depths of people and their behavior. The sciences are exploratory facets where we seek complete understanding and answers to questions we cannot define. What if there is not an explanation for manual for everything in life? We want answers but how do you explain the unexplainable and the things that move beyond science and reason?
Meanwhile we study. We watch and wait as we observe and discover new ways of thinking. We study human behavior and watch the lives around us. We look at psychology and study personalities. We watch the cultures in cities and how things spring up and grow around us. There are patterns and some of these are set aside by systems and authorities. Yet, there remains the mystery of emergence and how some systems develop by having a bottom up approach. We seek to leave our mark and to be individual. The systems are learning to develop to us. I cannot explain why certain people and cultures gravitate toward certain areas. Perhaps it is people who seek the change that create the culture. It could be a slow trickle or happen by accident. It could be a divine appointment that moves someone from one direction in life to another. What is the glue that appears magical and holds the systems together? The slime mold was multiple pieces that come together and once there move more like one force.
There are now objects and computers trying to duplicate the human intelligence. These programs try to go beyond our understanding and help us to figure out what in the world is going on here. We continue to observe because we have no other choice. We have systems of advertisement and television that begin to be interactive and try and engage in our personal systems. I have emails and links that load automatically on my computer that offer compelling advertisements for the things I am interested in. I am being watched and I am being studied yet so are you. The world is continuing to move with many forces that drive it. The organization changes and so do the leaders. Systems continue to develop. What is really going on? There is something yet to me mysterious and beautiful in this unknown and I don’t have the answers. Not having the answers I continue to search and in doing so change life as much as life changes me. Am I in a defined system or do I define the system? “If you don’t like the way things work today, change the system.” (Johnson, Emergence, 162) Are we catalysts for change or is it a combination with something much bigger and more unknown going on?
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Espana
To my supporters, my friends,
(I will apologize now because I am a story teller by nature, just be glad I left the travel back and the one day romping around Malaga out for your sake!)
Spain. The trip was one of opportunity and blessing to those who are in troubled times. As we began our trip I asked that people would pray for some great adventure and opportunity. I was blessed but more by the things I was not able to accomplish then the ones I had. And as far as adventure…are we not always on a great adventure as God’s story unfolds before us?
Our trip started with a 27 hour flight from Phoenix to Malaga in which I was able to get to know my travel buddy and fellow team member a little better. My first trip off this continent was a series of 4 planes, multiple layovers and sleepless flights! I was blessed to be traveling with someone that is easy to get along with when I was not at my best and on the verge of crankiness. I will not lie when I say over the 35 hours I was awake I believe I drank four coffees but I kept the caffeine dose in small amounts. Phoenix to Minneapolis was our next plane except I had a minor issue with some luggage repacking. I just love unzipping my suitcase in the middle of the airport and realizing there are some items that should not be on top for the world to see (God had begun to prepare me for some work in humility). Let’s just say we had to make 3 bags become 2 because of the cost involved and also as on top of things as I am J I still had to check in though my travel buddy was prepared (at least technically speaking)!
Our first layover was in Minneapolis and preparing to be in flight for 9 hours we proceeded to wander about the airport wanting to move as long as possible. We decided since we had roughly 3 hours and a promise of a flight without food we would circle the airport to pick the best place. One thai burrito down we were anxious to get moving about again (and I was anxious to begin the digestion process!) Off we went to lap the long shopping mall like airport we were stuck in when my traveling buddy decided to point out the ice cream stand=joy! Nearly finished with our treat of Ben and Jerry’s an announcement boomed over the airport intercom. “Last call for Amsterdam.” “What? When was the first?” We bolted toward the gate and were rewarded by being allowed on the flight. Apparently international flights must be boarded an hour before take-off which they dutifully let us know as they proceeded to tell us we were the last two passengers and that if we had been 10 or 20 minutes later they would have removed our baggage. Steve and I soon decided being the two last people on the plane was a perfect plan because all we had to do was walk right on and sit down without any people delays in the way. This would be our plan for the rest of the trip.
The flight was long but I was able to catch up on some current movies and befriend the gentleman next to me. His family was from Jordan though they lived in Switzerland. I did not catch his name but did catch the tattoo across his forearm that stated in black scripted ink “Persianality,” in case you had any doubts of his heritage. The family was great and since neither him nor I could sleep we chatted amidst the videos while Steve was able to get a bit of sleep (while I left him alone which I chose to do since I wanted to be friends with him when we arrived in Spain and because we had a long trip to go.) That flight was about 9 hours long and we prepared for our arrival in Amsterdam.
A couple hours and one coffee from Starbucks later we watched as fellow passengers began to board the next plane which would take us to Madrid. It was now morning and I could not figure out when to drink or eat and I was unable to sleep. We patiently planned it so we were nearly the last two people on the flight this time. The flight to Madrid was shorter and I finally managed to take a cat nap of about 30 minutes which I was in dire need of at that point. This was our third plane and we began the decent into Madrid when I noticed that each and every time we would begin landing Steve would pull out what appeared to be the safety pamplette that sits in the pouch of the seat in front of you. Thinking that was a funny habit I asked him why it was he did that. He was preparing ahead at each airport we went to find the next gate! I could not have had a better person to travel with as it seemed I always had the paperwork and itinerary but was lacking in some practical preparation which he seemed to be on top of. Who says God does not have a perfect plan (or a sense of humor since I am certain Steve and I have completely opposite personalities)!
Madrid. We had landed and at that moment I realized there was some urgency in the situation via the expression and verbage from Steve. Unbeknownst to me we had roughly 1 hour and 20 minutes to completely uncheck ourselves from the airport and check back in. (Once again I give props and thankfulness for the travel companion God provided because I was not aware such a situation was possible when traveling…I really need to get out more) So, we took off at a jogging speed which of course I was slacking in via the computer backpack hopping about on my back, the unsteady flip-flops I was wearing and the lack of airflow creating a warm and stuffy environment. We bound out of the airport and traveled up and down searching for some sign of our airline. The lines were extremely long and Tap-Portugal was no where to be found. Finally as time lacked and I was feeling a little clamy I searched out any person I could grab (of course forgetting I was in Spain and I would have to make an attempt at working with a different language). Thankfully he pointed out the obvious (which was not obvious to me) but three lines down from the listed airline on our itinerary was listed Spainair as the operating airline for Tap-Portugal. Gasp! We managed to check in and make in through and rushed to the gate with 10 minutes to spare and praise the Lord we will make it to Malaga!
Shortly after a water bottle purchase and a shirt change (we had been traveling for many hours now) we waited patiently trying to cool down from the crazy rushing around and possible missed flight situation. Then, the intercom booms again but in Spanish. We don’t know what it said so we rush over only to find out that our departure is delayed due to technical difficulties. (sigh) And so we decided it was time for some food. Headed back the second time to our gate we wait again. A voice booms (and by now I mean booming slightly as I am near crankiness but not there and ready to lay flat as being forced to sit airplane style is not my favorite situation ever). We are delayed once more and told to return this time at 8. Off to coffee we go (hurray for travel buddies who drink coffee, the Lord just continues to bless me!) After I selfishly order 2 coffees (I ordered one but the man only spoke Spanish and so he put the two shots in two cups which I told him I was not sharing with Steve) Steve was forced to order his own though I had every intent of ordering him one as well. We headed a third time to our gate as two people signaled us to move faster if we were headed to Malaga. We were 2 minutes before the time they told us to board but somehow we were for the 2nd time nearing being left behind and the last two people on the plane.
On arriving in Malaga it was smooth sailing. All our luggage had made it through all the craziness (thankfully since my 2nd suitcase was filled with only gifts and talent show items which would have been useless for clothing needs)We spent the first night at my friend Theresa’s house who is a fellow EVBC missionary working in Spain. The next day after 8 hours sleep to catch up it was time to head to the camp. We arrived in a beautiful Spanish camp in the mountains near Malaga. The temperature was similar to that of California this time of year and the scenery resembled something of the white mountains of Arizona. We packed and tied our luggage to the top of a van and Ali (who is from England and driving completely on the opposite side of the road then she is used too) drove us there saftley with only one near death experience! That day we spent our time getting settled in and looking at the campus to put our plans in order for the VBS which would in fact start bright and early the next morning. It was this part of the day I had to re-vamp my entire plan. I was unsure of what the facilities looked like and also the equiptment that would be available to use. I knew two things the first being that I was in charge of the worship for the VBS and the second that I was in charge of the talent show portion.
I can tell you that this camp was a joy to serve in and a learning experience for me. Everything I had planned out was of no use and daily I was re-working the previous day to try and create something that would be a better fit for the children. The week ran from Tuesday to Saturday and the schedule was the nearly the same for every day. About 8:30 a.m. it was breakfast time and then off to corperate worship. Immediately following coorperate worship it was time to run the childrens worship which meant that I was in charge. I was a little unnearved especially in the beginning because I have had very little experience working with American or English speaking children. All of the children we worked with in the camp were missionary children from families that dwell in Morocco. This From there we spent the first half of the VBS breaking off into various age groups with a mixture of games, teaching and crafts depending on the age. About 1:30 P.M. was lunch and then break time for everyone until about 5:30.
About 5:30 P.M. everyday my favorite time of day arrived: coffee and cake time! This is my favorite time of day because it wasn’t until about 5 p.m. every day that I finally felt good and awake (with the 9 hour time difference) and also they eat primarily fish and some pork which I don’t love so I ate very little between breakfast and five. After that point it the 2nd breakout meeting of the day for the conference was to take place and so it was time for the VBS part 2 of the day which lasted until about 8 P.M.
This trip was such a blessing to be a part of and serve on. The children we spent time with are all considered cross culture children because each one of them have grown up or spent time in multiple countrys and speak at least 2 languages. These children live in places I have never been and grow up in very different situations having parents that live wherever the mission will send them. For some of these children Morocco is still their current home and for others tomorrow is very unknown. If you could please be in prayer for them and their families as many of them have lost their ability to live and work in Morocco. There has been many changes and not for the better over the last six months or so. People who have spent many years working in N.Africa who are found to be Christians are being sent out and this includes the parents of some of these children as well. Knowing that made me even more thankful that I was able to serve and build relationships with them. They are such a joy to be able to work with and love on and to be an encouragement to. I was blessed and encouraged immensely by being able to work alongside such wonderful teammates and with such amazing children.
I am thankful for your support and prayers on this trip. By your support God was able to send a team of us to serve others who give their lives to be in countries many of us would never dream of going to . You have then also become a blessing and I am more thankful then you can imagine. I wish I could give you more of the details but for the protection of those involved have to keep the story brief. There were so many children I will not be quick to forget and so many fun personalities and stories.
On this trip I was also able to learn many things about myself and God used this trip to show me I need to be a much more humble servant. It is the times I am comfortable in life that I don’t seem to grow as much. Therefore I am thankful that He allowed me to see and seek Him more when I did not have perfect circumstances and did not know what to do. Unlike the trips to Caborca, Mexico I help out with each and every year this is the first mission trip in nearly 5 years that my growth steamed from not being in charge and not knowing what was going on. The challenges that effected me were things from being uncomfortable, the jet lag, constant program revamping and fighting selfishness because when circumstances are undesirable it rears it’s ugly head more then usual. I am so thankful that God allows us to be stretched and to grow and would not have changed any part of it. If I can honor Him what does a little jet lag matter and how should I only praise Him the more when I am feeling up to par and ready to face the world head on? I am genuinely thankful for your time in reading this, in supporting me, in checking up to see how it went, and the hearts you have shown to help spread the gospel to the ends of the earth.
Other things I learned:
How to play paintball! And can I just share with you all that I was able to capture the flag and I won one round for us with an awesome teammate who “covered” me as I charge for the opponents base!
Paintball is painful. I was shot in each arm, in the shoulder and one exploded on my head which hurt for roughly 3 days.
Fish in every country is gross and in Spain it is included in nearly every meal.
Icy Hot makes terrible toothpaste and keeps it’s flavor well once applied to bristles.
When you can’t figure out how to use an American hairdryer feel free to keep moving your hand under the automatic hand dryer located near the exit door in the bathroom at different angles to keep it blowing.
Coffee con leche (or half coffee and half warm milk) is a God sent blessing everywhere.
I can’t sleep on planes.
Once a boy of any age finds out you are afraid of bugs they will continue to find ways to put them on or around you.
You can drink from fountains, they are not just a decoration.
Jet lag is a real thing.
Mountain hiking in the dark is amazing, especially when you get to watch the sunrise.
God is sufficient.
If you eat a hamburger in Spain it is primarily pork.
The body of Christ is everywhere.
God, doesn’t waste anyones time
Thank you all so much because without you I would not have been able to serve. You have blessed people who were aching and hurting and needing blessing and encouragement. I would also like to thank you for your patience with my letter as I try to give you a brief picture of what the ten days looked like for me. If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them so feel free to contact me at any point. I will be enclosing some photos but for the safety of the children and their parents am unable to send anything with them in it.
Because of Christ,
Heather Testa
(I will apologize now because I am a story teller by nature, just be glad I left the travel back and the one day romping around Malaga out for your sake!)
Spain. The trip was one of opportunity and blessing to those who are in troubled times. As we began our trip I asked that people would pray for some great adventure and opportunity. I was blessed but more by the things I was not able to accomplish then the ones I had. And as far as adventure…are we not always on a great adventure as God’s story unfolds before us?
Our trip started with a 27 hour flight from Phoenix to Malaga in which I was able to get to know my travel buddy and fellow team member a little better. My first trip off this continent was a series of 4 planes, multiple layovers and sleepless flights! I was blessed to be traveling with someone that is easy to get along with when I was not at my best and on the verge of crankiness. I will not lie when I say over the 35 hours I was awake I believe I drank four coffees but I kept the caffeine dose in small amounts. Phoenix to Minneapolis was our next plane except I had a minor issue with some luggage repacking. I just love unzipping my suitcase in the middle of the airport and realizing there are some items that should not be on top for the world to see (God had begun to prepare me for some work in humility). Let’s just say we had to make 3 bags become 2 because of the cost involved and also as on top of things as I am J I still had to check in though my travel buddy was prepared (at least technically speaking)!
Our first layover was in Minneapolis and preparing to be in flight for 9 hours we proceeded to wander about the airport wanting to move as long as possible. We decided since we had roughly 3 hours and a promise of a flight without food we would circle the airport to pick the best place. One thai burrito down we were anxious to get moving about again (and I was anxious to begin the digestion process!) Off we went to lap the long shopping mall like airport we were stuck in when my traveling buddy decided to point out the ice cream stand=joy! Nearly finished with our treat of Ben and Jerry’s an announcement boomed over the airport intercom. “Last call for Amsterdam.” “What? When was the first?” We bolted toward the gate and were rewarded by being allowed on the flight. Apparently international flights must be boarded an hour before take-off which they dutifully let us know as they proceeded to tell us we were the last two passengers and that if we had been 10 or 20 minutes later they would have removed our baggage. Steve and I soon decided being the two last people on the plane was a perfect plan because all we had to do was walk right on and sit down without any people delays in the way. This would be our plan for the rest of the trip.
The flight was long but I was able to catch up on some current movies and befriend the gentleman next to me. His family was from Jordan though they lived in Switzerland. I did not catch his name but did catch the tattoo across his forearm that stated in black scripted ink “Persianality,” in case you had any doubts of his heritage. The family was great and since neither him nor I could sleep we chatted amidst the videos while Steve was able to get a bit of sleep (while I left him alone which I chose to do since I wanted to be friends with him when we arrived in Spain and because we had a long trip to go.) That flight was about 9 hours long and we prepared for our arrival in Amsterdam.
A couple hours and one coffee from Starbucks later we watched as fellow passengers began to board the next plane which would take us to Madrid. It was now morning and I could not figure out when to drink or eat and I was unable to sleep. We patiently planned it so we were nearly the last two people on the flight this time. The flight to Madrid was shorter and I finally managed to take a cat nap of about 30 minutes which I was in dire need of at that point. This was our third plane and we began the decent into Madrid when I noticed that each and every time we would begin landing Steve would pull out what appeared to be the safety pamplette that sits in the pouch of the seat in front of you. Thinking that was a funny habit I asked him why it was he did that. He was preparing ahead at each airport we went to find the next gate! I could not have had a better person to travel with as it seemed I always had the paperwork and itinerary but was lacking in some practical preparation which he seemed to be on top of. Who says God does not have a perfect plan (or a sense of humor since I am certain Steve and I have completely opposite personalities)!
Madrid. We had landed and at that moment I realized there was some urgency in the situation via the expression and verbage from Steve. Unbeknownst to me we had roughly 1 hour and 20 minutes to completely uncheck ourselves from the airport and check back in. (Once again I give props and thankfulness for the travel companion God provided because I was not aware such a situation was possible when traveling…I really need to get out more) So, we took off at a jogging speed which of course I was slacking in via the computer backpack hopping about on my back, the unsteady flip-flops I was wearing and the lack of airflow creating a warm and stuffy environment. We bound out of the airport and traveled up and down searching for some sign of our airline. The lines were extremely long and Tap-Portugal was no where to be found. Finally as time lacked and I was feeling a little clamy I searched out any person I could grab (of course forgetting I was in Spain and I would have to make an attempt at working with a different language). Thankfully he pointed out the obvious (which was not obvious to me) but three lines down from the listed airline on our itinerary was listed Spainair as the operating airline for Tap-Portugal. Gasp! We managed to check in and make in through and rushed to the gate with 10 minutes to spare and praise the Lord we will make it to Malaga!
Shortly after a water bottle purchase and a shirt change (we had been traveling for many hours now) we waited patiently trying to cool down from the crazy rushing around and possible missed flight situation. Then, the intercom booms again but in Spanish. We don’t know what it said so we rush over only to find out that our departure is delayed due to technical difficulties. (sigh) And so we decided it was time for some food. Headed back the second time to our gate we wait again. A voice booms (and by now I mean booming slightly as I am near crankiness but not there and ready to lay flat as being forced to sit airplane style is not my favorite situation ever). We are delayed once more and told to return this time at 8. Off to coffee we go (hurray for travel buddies who drink coffee, the Lord just continues to bless me!) After I selfishly order 2 coffees (I ordered one but the man only spoke Spanish and so he put the two shots in two cups which I told him I was not sharing with Steve) Steve was forced to order his own though I had every intent of ordering him one as well. We headed a third time to our gate as two people signaled us to move faster if we were headed to Malaga. We were 2 minutes before the time they told us to board but somehow we were for the 2nd time nearing being left behind and the last two people on the plane.
On arriving in Malaga it was smooth sailing. All our luggage had made it through all the craziness (thankfully since my 2nd suitcase was filled with only gifts and talent show items which would have been useless for clothing needs)We spent the first night at my friend Theresa’s house who is a fellow EVBC missionary working in Spain. The next day after 8 hours sleep to catch up it was time to head to the camp. We arrived in a beautiful Spanish camp in the mountains near Malaga. The temperature was similar to that of California this time of year and the scenery resembled something of the white mountains of Arizona. We packed and tied our luggage to the top of a van and Ali (who is from England and driving completely on the opposite side of the road then she is used too) drove us there saftley with only one near death experience! That day we spent our time getting settled in and looking at the campus to put our plans in order for the VBS which would in fact start bright and early the next morning. It was this part of the day I had to re-vamp my entire plan. I was unsure of what the facilities looked like and also the equiptment that would be available to use. I knew two things the first being that I was in charge of the worship for the VBS and the second that I was in charge of the talent show portion.
I can tell you that this camp was a joy to serve in and a learning experience for me. Everything I had planned out was of no use and daily I was re-working the previous day to try and create something that would be a better fit for the children. The week ran from Tuesday to Saturday and the schedule was the nearly the same for every day. About 8:30 a.m. it was breakfast time and then off to corperate worship. Immediately following coorperate worship it was time to run the childrens worship which meant that I was in charge. I was a little unnearved especially in the beginning because I have had very little experience working with American or English speaking children. All of the children we worked with in the camp were missionary children from families that dwell in Morocco. This From there we spent the first half of the VBS breaking off into various age groups with a mixture of games, teaching and crafts depending on the age. About 1:30 P.M. was lunch and then break time for everyone until about 5:30.
About 5:30 P.M. everyday my favorite time of day arrived: coffee and cake time! This is my favorite time of day because it wasn’t until about 5 p.m. every day that I finally felt good and awake (with the 9 hour time difference) and also they eat primarily fish and some pork which I don’t love so I ate very little between breakfast and five. After that point it the 2nd breakout meeting of the day for the conference was to take place and so it was time for the VBS part 2 of the day which lasted until about 8 P.M.
This trip was such a blessing to be a part of and serve on. The children we spent time with are all considered cross culture children because each one of them have grown up or spent time in multiple countrys and speak at least 2 languages. These children live in places I have never been and grow up in very different situations having parents that live wherever the mission will send them. For some of these children Morocco is still their current home and for others tomorrow is very unknown. If you could please be in prayer for them and their families as many of them have lost their ability to live and work in Morocco. There has been many changes and not for the better over the last six months or so. People who have spent many years working in N.Africa who are found to be Christians are being sent out and this includes the parents of some of these children as well. Knowing that made me even more thankful that I was able to serve and build relationships with them. They are such a joy to be able to work with and love on and to be an encouragement to. I was blessed and encouraged immensely by being able to work alongside such wonderful teammates and with such amazing children.
I am thankful for your support and prayers on this trip. By your support God was able to send a team of us to serve others who give their lives to be in countries many of us would never dream of going to . You have then also become a blessing and I am more thankful then you can imagine. I wish I could give you more of the details but for the protection of those involved have to keep the story brief. There were so many children I will not be quick to forget and so many fun personalities and stories.
On this trip I was also able to learn many things about myself and God used this trip to show me I need to be a much more humble servant. It is the times I am comfortable in life that I don’t seem to grow as much. Therefore I am thankful that He allowed me to see and seek Him more when I did not have perfect circumstances and did not know what to do. Unlike the trips to Caborca, Mexico I help out with each and every year this is the first mission trip in nearly 5 years that my growth steamed from not being in charge and not knowing what was going on. The challenges that effected me were things from being uncomfortable, the jet lag, constant program revamping and fighting selfishness because when circumstances are undesirable it rears it’s ugly head more then usual. I am so thankful that God allows us to be stretched and to grow and would not have changed any part of it. If I can honor Him what does a little jet lag matter and how should I only praise Him the more when I am feeling up to par and ready to face the world head on? I am genuinely thankful for your time in reading this, in supporting me, in checking up to see how it went, and the hearts you have shown to help spread the gospel to the ends of the earth.
Other things I learned:
How to play paintball! And can I just share with you all that I was able to capture the flag and I won one round for us with an awesome teammate who “covered” me as I charge for the opponents base!
Paintball is painful. I was shot in each arm, in the shoulder and one exploded on my head which hurt for roughly 3 days.
Fish in every country is gross and in Spain it is included in nearly every meal.
Icy Hot makes terrible toothpaste and keeps it’s flavor well once applied to bristles.
When you can’t figure out how to use an American hairdryer feel free to keep moving your hand under the automatic hand dryer located near the exit door in the bathroom at different angles to keep it blowing.
Coffee con leche (or half coffee and half warm milk) is a God sent blessing everywhere.
I can’t sleep on planes.
Once a boy of any age finds out you are afraid of bugs they will continue to find ways to put them on or around you.
You can drink from fountains, they are not just a decoration.
Jet lag is a real thing.
Mountain hiking in the dark is amazing, especially when you get to watch the sunrise.
God is sufficient.
If you eat a hamburger in Spain it is primarily pork.
The body of Christ is everywhere.
God, doesn’t waste anyones time
Thank you all so much because without you I would not have been able to serve. You have blessed people who were aching and hurting and needing blessing and encouragement. I would also like to thank you for your patience with my letter as I try to give you a brief picture of what the ten days looked like for me. If you have any questions I would be happy to answer them so feel free to contact me at any point. I will be enclosing some photos but for the safety of the children and their parents am unable to send anything with them in it.
Because of Christ,
Heather Testa
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Cafe Con Leche
There is too much to say simply. I sit here in Pj's as is the frequent practice when in front of this glowing square screen. I am forced to be focused on it for the backing up of computers is a lengthy process I do not maintain the focus span for. "In the Secret," plays in the background and I am reminded of the first night I ever heard it. I was sitting inside a coffee job I had recently discovered and a rather attractive gentleman stepped up to the mike. I listened as he sang the words of this song and sat stunned and amazed. I could neither fathom or believe that a man was able to sing a song as such to a deity. Now, I completely understand and have love that song every since showing us the ache in love we have for God.
I returned from Spain last Monday night nearing 10 PM. The flights were long and yet there is something to be said about the company involved. I made a great travel friend who I had known for months yet never spoken to (as far as I have never chosen to have a conversation with this extreme extrovert )until the day his parents drove us to the airport for departure. He was so great to travel with and my opposite in many ways. There is much to process from the trip with the greatest lessons to still be learned. God is great and to Him be praised in all ways and at all times. The trip was extremely humbling and a learning opportunity that I needed like all the others.
I wish I had been more myself or the trip had been easier but that would have defeated the purpose entirely. The jet lag was worse then I had expected yet again not something I would have traded. I needed the situation to be a bit of a challenge to learn the things I did. It takes me 3 to four days to recover completely from jet lag and we arrived that Sunday night without having any time to process or switch on the schedule. The travel there was Phx to Min, Min to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Madrid, Madrid to Malaga and finally after 27 hours of travel and lay overs we had arrived. The trip was exhausting especially when I slept a total of 30 minutes in about 35 hours.
And now I sit and process. There is much to think about. The weakness of me and the selfishness that arises too quickly in my heart astounds me. When things are easy it is not as difficult to be selfless. When times are difficult it is only agitated and stirred up within me. There is time to thing and write and pray I must. I fall so short and allow weakness to creep into every corner. I choose to fall. God allows us an grants us the strength not to but we do any way. I do.
Tonight, I prepare to begin training tomorrow for the PF Chang's marathon. Wondering if I can complete an entire one if I begin training now. I am desperate to learn more discipline and I learn that in physical training. Watching eating and getting on a schedule, working with a budget, working on yet another degree change (two days ago) and all the things life offers along the way. And my new favorite tradition...cafe con leche (more explanation to come on that later)!
I returned from Spain last Monday night nearing 10 PM. The flights were long and yet there is something to be said about the company involved. I made a great travel friend who I had known for months yet never spoken to (as far as I have never chosen to have a conversation with this extreme extrovert )until the day his parents drove us to the airport for departure. He was so great to travel with and my opposite in many ways. There is much to process from the trip with the greatest lessons to still be learned. God is great and to Him be praised in all ways and at all times. The trip was extremely humbling and a learning opportunity that I needed like all the others.
I wish I had been more myself or the trip had been easier but that would have defeated the purpose entirely. The jet lag was worse then I had expected yet again not something I would have traded. I needed the situation to be a bit of a challenge to learn the things I did. It takes me 3 to four days to recover completely from jet lag and we arrived that Sunday night without having any time to process or switch on the schedule. The travel there was Phx to Min, Min to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Madrid, Madrid to Malaga and finally after 27 hours of travel and lay overs we had arrived. The trip was exhausting especially when I slept a total of 30 minutes in about 35 hours.
And now I sit and process. There is much to think about. The weakness of me and the selfishness that arises too quickly in my heart astounds me. When things are easy it is not as difficult to be selfless. When times are difficult it is only agitated and stirred up within me. There is time to thing and write and pray I must. I fall so short and allow weakness to creep into every corner. I choose to fall. God allows us an grants us the strength not to but we do any way. I do.
Tonight, I prepare to begin training tomorrow for the PF Chang's marathon. Wondering if I can complete an entire one if I begin training now. I am desperate to learn more discipline and I learn that in physical training. Watching eating and getting on a schedule, working with a budget, working on yet another degree change (two days ago) and all the things life offers along the way. And my new favorite tradition...cafe con leche (more explanation to come on that later)!
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