Looking in....

Do you ever wonder what people are thinking about you? Not necessarily in a paranoid way, but there are definitely first impressions we give people. How often are our first impressions incorrect? And what about those “red flags” and “flinches”? I occasionally ask people who know me well what they thought of me first off and needless to say, it is never how I imagined it to be. The way we perceive ourselves always seems to be very different then the rest of the world. There are many times I wonder what it would be like to step in someone else’s shoes or to see through their eyes. This is a topic I may expound upon more at a later date, but for today I will tell you exactly why I am thinking on this topic.

When traveling down the road I feel extremely closed off from the rest of the world and reality. This, is quit a false notion that I have but none the less one I like to cling to. I often seem to live in my head and so sometimes “car time” can be my favorite. I get to play DJ and drive myself wherever I desire to go. Sometimes I pray, talk to God, talk on the phone, or sing. Then, there are the long road trips…these are fun because there is lots of serene “drive time” as you are surrounded by trees, valleys, hills, desert, anything but street lights and bumper to bumper. So you travel merrily on your way.

On occasion, I am reminded I am not alone and in a place different then others and often these moments are humbling. I am an extremely self-entertained person. I love to make myself laugh and sometimes “talk” outloud and bust out songs like there is no one else in the world. The funny part is….there are others out there and sometimes they react to these “alone” times. Today was one of these occasions. It was an extremely nice day outside and I got off work pretty early. I put the Kansas CD into the player and proceeded my best and loudest vocal impression of Jennifer Knapp. I realized it was so nice outside and so decided to roll down my window. Oh, the breeze was amazing and since my hair was pulled back in a pony tail I decided I did not have to worry about it getting messed up so I rolled the window all the way down. I was cruising along minding my own when suddenly I had to stop at a light. Little did I realize my window was down and I was busting out louder then the CD until I saw the expression on the man’s face strolling down the sidewalk. It was at that moment I realized what was going on and so decided I must either roll the window up (na) or just turn the music up slightly.

This was rather amusing to me and made me think about all the other “car moments” I have had in the past. One of my favorites, is the reaction you get when people see you talking to yourself or cracking yourself up. I really think I must claim insanity! Well, I am not insane, but always thinking and sometimes I think outloud. I often re-live conversations but don’t realize I am not only replaying these moments for myself, but also anyone within earshot. Oooops….Oh, and what about those moments you are dancing like no one can see. Only guess what? My windows being untinted allows a clear view for everyone to see and so as I do my thing people sometimes take notice. Who knew I was such a great entertainer? It really doesn’t bother me too much as I don’t dislike attention.

Besides, I can change certain parts of my personality but don’t have a desire to change this. I rather enjoy the humor in these moments and probably will never learn what people really think. My new favorite is one that I got the girls involved in. There is a Paul Wright song called Come Around. I don’t know why but from the first time I listened to this song I had the urge to bust out my version of drumming. This in a car can be really, really fun. Basically my drumming is extremely technical. Anything I can reach becomes my drum. This, includes the ceiling, the dashboard, the window, my hand, the steringwheel, my passengers or anything within “safe” arm reach distance. So, now my two drumming partners join in and man what a fun time we have. From this I have learned two really great lessons. If you are drumming on the steering wheel and your music is a little loud, you will not know you are honking your horn. The second important lesson I learned is that neither Hannah, Amy, nor I should ever take up drumming as a profession. However I really can not imagine listening to this song without our lovely drum beats breaking apart the inside of my car : ). And this is one time I definitely do not want to imagine what the rest of the world is thinking. ( I am thinking of investing in some really good window tinting) (But then what would be the fun in that?)