Being girl.

Kristie, your bullet point summary will have to be added at a later date though give me a couple days : )


Odd yet certainly true there are things we all think about, write about and generally are. Mine, is girl. My blog gives you bits of insights into what I choose to place before you and are often just the over abundance of thoughts left over from the day and things that have yet to flee my head. Therefore do not be surprised if they are about emotions, guys, and God. Those are three of the most prevalent topics in my life as I am in fact female and have no desire to write of shopping or celebrities or things along that nature. I wish I knew more on politics or science or subjects that might fascinate and intrigue the population but those things rarely cross my mind and though I am sure have much value outside of my head hold little within it. That is why I am just filling the words of this blog with what being a girl is to me or at least one day of it. Some of you have taken on the opposite sex and writing of it as of late but I choose my own.

Yesterday morning I awoke remembering the storm. The sun now shining through my window was beginning to heat up my room very quickly. I thought about hitting the snooze but realized I had to shower. This may seem like an odd yet suprisingly obvious concept to you but I strategically plan my hair by activity, time, and weather. For you math people think of it as a word problem or multiplication factor. If I don't want to shower in the morning I usually have to plan it out the night before. This could lead to a hair straightening process which can last anywhere from about 15 to 35 minutes depending on the level of difficulty that evening. This is why I think through it before taking the time to attempt a straighten of my curls. If it is rainy or humid why bother? Usually I will not unless I know that I am seeing a guy at that time. If I know he likes straight hair I will put in the effort regardless of outside conditions but if he likes it better curly well that saves me a bit of sleep. If I go to sleep with my hair curly it is really left to fate whether or not a shower will be necessary by sunrise. So at this point when the alarm goes off if I hit snooze it is taking a gamble with my appearance for the day.

I will not spend time explaining the getting ready process though for everyone I am sure there is a system. I get up wander down the stairs with little thoughts other then take my medicine and begin going through the motions of getting ready. Small thoughts might begin to process once there is an outfit in question. My favorite is the whole how do I look and feel in this outfit which can at times create a bit of a changing furry. If you are female your conscouse of what you like like, how fat you feel that day, and of course what you put in your mouth. Therefore dressing can be quit time consuming. I am not as bad as I used to be and sometimes forget to do a mirror check to make sure everything is in tact. But after hair, make-up, and costume it is out the door to Starbucks. Yes, coffee people are often creatures of habit and though I am a tea person usually I fall under this category. It's often the same every day. I see the usually crew that I am beginning to know better and the couple regulars. I get my chaw and sit down to begin a quiet time. This is when my mind begins for the day.

I have been going through Luke though I will often wander to the Psalms or to do a subject search. I begin to try and apply something I have read and to learn. I think about who I need to seek a relationship with and who I need to encourage. Lots of things go through my head and usually they lead to another topic I want to look at. I want to know God more but feel I even know the Bible so little. This usually gets me focused for the day and excited about something. I don't always have good days but usually and I am so thankful for a focus point to begin with. Putting God and things of Him on and in my mind that early usually encourages it throughout the day.

After study I may have some thoughts I have been chewing on from the night before, the week before, or just generally thoughts that begin to come into focus.
Often these thoughts are encouraged by emotion though they can be stirred by a situation, a conversation, or something around me. Let's put it this way I have never been accused of not thinking enough in fact quit the opposite. This is great when my mind is focused on good things but when it is focused on others it can be very difficult. I am one of those people who at times would love to escape her own head. Music, can help with this and so can writing or speaking because they let the thoughts come out. Besides though you may not like everything I am thinking I am usually overly honest. I really don't mind this and though I don't tell everyone everything if you ask I will give you exactly what the truth is.

So on one of these great mornings I was beginning to focus on the previous weekend. Friday night I just hit a very frustrating spot. Some things had come up that reminded me of a guy I liked once for about 6 months and the thoughts were fine but somehow turned me in a sour mood. I then spent some time reflected on guys. Yes, we think about them daily and sometimes we see certain ones often. I usually don't hide the fact that there seems to always be someone I am interested in. However, that Friday I felt just done. No, more of this I thought I just feel weak. The feeling was brought up and continued as I searched for more specifics as to the why I hit this point. The answer was my heart was weary. You often come to points of pain when involving the opposite sex but I had never felt this weary before. We have all felt the stinging pain of rejection, and love, and the pain your heart feels through the trials and waiting. I was just entirely weary of all dealings with the opposite sex and decided to throw out any interest I may have had in anyone.(At least for that moment though it is getting increasingly easier the less contact and conversation I have with him).

This all stemmed from a past of doing my best and asking God out of weariness and desperation for God to protect my heart. Yet, it still gets hurt and it still gets tired. It's not tired specifically from the waiting though that increasingly gets more and more painful if you have any specifics in mind. You get tired of waiting as liking guys is a weary process. Yes, I seem to find guys who really go out of their way to do everything except let me know what is going on. Seriously, I dislike all of that and have decided once again if it is not clear what we are doing and his intentions he will just have to go elsewhere. Ask even the most godly girl what a tiring process it is. Trying to maintain focus, hold your heart, not think about them, be able to talk to them even when you feel as though you can not, waiting for them to talk to you or give you any sign they like you, keeping your focus on God, worrying about how you look, worrying about being to obvious....the list goes on and on. Even if you spend little time on these topics it is too difficult, to distracting, to exhausting to like anyone.

So all of this can actually go through my head not to mention many other followed by a range of emotions. I finally go into the bank with the rest of my co-workers and the day begins 2.5 hours after my alarm went off. Then there is the job to do and conversations to have. I want to remember God in conversation in thought and in my job and so I spend most of the day forgetting the thoughts and feeling of the morning and am wound up and in my spot. I love the people that I work with and my job and try to make it evident that I live for God amidst all of this. Then on lunch, I chat with co-workers and call my sister (aka the Paasch girls). While a work there are more girls conversations of boys, and family, work, and whatever. The first question they asked me and continue to is often that about guys but I have little to tell them. They have heard about who I like but more specifically about what I am waiting for. My boss actually asked me in a very random conversation what specifically I wanted in a guy. They all think I am a dreamer and I agree but I remind them God allows us to dream and has the power to fulfill them. Finishing the day it is time for the night activities.

On to church I go. Tues, Wed., Thurs., and Sunday you can find me at church and on ocation for other witnessing activities, or world missions stuff other nights as well. This are all awesome and I am working on growing closer to God and to the people in my life. I love my junior high girls and there is still so much learning to do. I am having such an amazing time figuring that whole thing out. Everything else is not done to just keep busy, but to keep busy with good stuff. I am just a person with lots of energy for things and so I been someone who seems to enjoy a full schedule. Praise God for a world full of things to do and things that should point us back to Him.

After a few catch up conversations it will then be time to run off to bed, or to the Paasch's. Now that school is finished it will more often then not be off to their house and I am so excited about that. So then it is time for fellowship with the girls. Yes, we talk about guys though we are not allowed to for the next two weeks...a funny rule we made to see how long we can last and what else we can talk about. Girls are excellent springboarders when it comes to thinking so I am sure the conversation will not lack much for long. My thoughts should be wrapping up soon but they really do the final wind-down before bed. Thank God for sleep.

Thoughts can keep me up late at times and so I will write or pray though I do not pray hardly enough. Any things not completed or thoughts concluded will pick up again later. They like to arrive at down moments which can really stink as the boy situation may come back later. But this is caused by the lack of conclusion and the constant reminder of them. We as females do so much better in generally when either in a relationship or when there is a lack of someone we like. I have never complained when I did not have anyone I liked let me tell you that.

So, there are reasons for why we are the way we are. Each thought we think, each word we say, who we are is stemmed from what God created us to be and a mix of the earthly nature which is at war. I wish I knew what it was like in the garden before that bite was taken from the fruit. I can imagine ever understanding the opposite sex thought wouldn't it be great? So for now I have no conclusion as I am not sure what to say. It's just being a girl.