Exhausted

Ready for sleep. Now, would be fantastic moment for that. Is thinking about what I want. Thinking about taking risks and chances. That is life. You carefully calculate or jump in. Either way there is a risk. Some risks are worth it. Some hurt. They are still worth it...I think.

Today God continued to teach me something very valuable. I watched as two very dear friends began to fall in love. This has been about a month in the picture. It was so beautiful and fun. I guess love always is. So, what happens when it does not work? I am so tired and exausted and feel for both of them. I love them both dearly and pray for God's healing and encouragement. I also pray for their hearts and their learning.

I guess I learned something from it as well. Sometimes the things that seem too perfect and go so fast and easy are not. They can end just as easily. Maybe that is just another reason to take things slower. I don't know. Others it works out just that fast. There is no telling and no matter how much careful planning you do the outcome is still in God's timing and plan. I guess I needed to see that. I was in no way jelouse of them but wishing in some way I had something that easy. I guess it was not easy. I guess it works different for everyone.

Is it worth the risks and the hurt? Yes. Love always is. I hate the hurt part. It will always exist. But how great is it when you find someone to work it out with. Love is a blessing. It will be difficult sometimes as well. Purity is difficult. Being radical about Gods standard is the necessary. Guys see the situation sometimes so differently. It is nice to be protected. Especially when you can trust a guy. A guy you can be alone with. One who is radically about protecting your purity and his own.

I cannot believe how differently guys and girls approach purity and sex. We think so different. I cannot believe how much I have learned and how little I realize things sometimes. Being naive has it's benefits. I also have to learn to protect guys. I encourage other girls to protect guys. It is not easy. It is worth it. Are we perfect? Not so much. Thankfully God has protected me from pretty much all of that even when I did not want to protect myself. I have never felt safer then with a guy I can trust to put my purity above what he wants. They are few and far between but talk about something that wins my heart.

The confusion in the situations is sad to me. They have little history together to use to hold it together now. I pray for a peace for the two of them. Different pages entirely that seemed right for a month. Different views. Different issues. I guess no matter how perfect things seem or start off ultimatly we do not know the plans. I am very protective of her. I am very radical about pursuing purity and love that I get to be an example and speak into her life. God has used my life...even when I would not have done so myself. I am very protective of the ones I love and I love them both. They both have much to learn as do I.

Enough of the rattlings. My heart is full and I am growing through this with them. Praying deeply for them. Glad I have not had to experience something so "perfect" and so short lived. Glad for Your plan Father even though sometimes waiting can feel painful. I know it is worth it in the end. Your time. Pursuing You first...in everthing.