Blabbering.

Just got of skype with a dear friend of mine and what a blessed turn of events. This young gentleman who once it appeared as though I were dating is now very interested in a friend of mine. I actually and totally love this and somehow saw it coming. I tuned in to a growing situation on New Years Eve which in fact I love for both of them. It makes things so much easier and I hope it will work out and be something totally and completely beautiful.

I am left here so thankful for his friendship but thankful there may be another girl in his life so we gain more of a distance in a pleasant way. I can't help but want to hold on to the friendship otherwise but need to let it go at the same time. It is not good to be too close with any guy and I protect that. Even more so Father am I thankful that you have allowed me to be joyful in this situation. I somehow just love it!

Tonight was a great night as I ventured dancing again after far too long. I missed it so very much and forgot how much it makes me smile. I love the way music feels and I can't help but enjoy moving to it. There is something about a spontaneous playfulness that burst forth to the movement of music. It is incredible and breathtaking and Father I pray you continue to bless me with ears to hear and the ability to feel and be moved by music and move to music as well. I cannot thank You enough my God, my Father for the joy You bring through life's beautiful things. May I praise You and honor You with it all and soak it all in and remember even more Your greatness through it all.

I am not sure where I am going tonight mind wise because there is a lot of thoughts jumping back and forth through my head. I am thinking about snowboarding and seeing my sister. I am thinking about running because I need to do so tomorrow. I am thinking about the pounding headache I have ignored mostly for the last couple days. I think I have eaten too much as well with some added stress. I know how much I need to be on my knees with all things and how much my mind can be consumed with all the other unnecessary stuff.

There are so many things I want for life and always things I want to pursue. I want so much to be more fit and healthier, to get out of debt and save, to get in a consistent study, get through some books, and there are just always more and more things on my mind. In fact I am pretty sure this is the most pointless posting ever.

Randomness. While doing life there are so many things we learn about ourselves and others. There is so much in life that I miss but the one thing I do notice is an incredible focus. When I am tuned into something or someone it seems pretty intense and I want to know it or them. I may not see everything but what I do see, I really see. I also notice that there are things about people that is so difficult for me to say. Things maybe I think or feel but have never said or stated. Sometimes I think people need to hear these things and I know I could write them. I could think them. I don't know what the time or reason always is to say them. It is interesting when some people love primarily through words of affirmation. I get that and I think things but will have to learn to say them. I hold my breath a lot and it takes me a very, very long time to trust someone enough unless they ask to say things about them. If asked I would give an honest opinion but when it is of my own doing I make sure on every level I trust them first and that they need to know what I think or what I feel or what I see when I see them.

I think this goes hand and hand with how people feel loved. My best friend loves like this and so I understand some things about it. I may need sometimes to hear those things but even more-so understand time and touch better. I would rather spend tons of time with someone, or touch then just say things. We are all turned on or better yet tuned in by different things and I thought mine was verbal because I have to communicate all the time. However...that goes someone with time because what is said does not always have to be life changing but I have to communicate through all facets to feel connection. So, though even though I don't always need words of affirmation I do need connections....always.

Let us see what other random subject will pop through my head now. I am working through trying not to work through a situation but just wait it out. I am trying to learn to pursue God and need God and always be in fellowship and at His feet and I stink miserably at it. I should go to be soon and I probably will. I have cleaning to do tomorrow...got to finish the deep cleaning. One more week just about before Theresa leaves. Wonder how much life will change in the next year. Wonder God what You have in store and what I should be doing right now. Wondering how to be patient and wait. You will stretch me even when I don't want it. Thinking about the way You refine us. If I can just wait it out. If I can just hold my breath or rather learn not to hold it and just be comfortable breathing. Is passively aggressively chatting and likes it. Is trying to understand and understand you. At this point is waiting things out and unsure but hopeful. And before I say anthing else that maybe should not be said right now...will go to bed.