Tons has happened since it looks like February and that seems like years ago. I really don't know how to describe or summarize what I though was going to be the best year ever. It seems like it has been a year full of growth and that has actually been more painful then joyful. Why blog? At this point it is to get thoughts out loud or on paper so I can look back at what God has done and remember where I was.
My current striving have been one of great struggle as of late. I don't know what God has been doing but this week alone it has been one hit after another that began with a time in the woods last week. I struggled through some things while in Seattle and then once I got home it only began. For one reason or another I think I have cried myself to sleep from Sunday till Wednesday with all sorts of issues God is allowing. God does not just suddenly make us certain characteristics but allows us to go through things in order to get them. Todays has turned into an actual day of rest and so this Thanksgiving I can be truly thankful.
I wish I could say oh so easily what God has been teaching me in my life but each day has brought another relationship struggle and a possibility of a move to Seattle. At this point I am reminded only of the vs. that I have tattooed on my back...my life vs...taken from II Corinthians 12:9 "...my grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness...". So what God says is that when I am weak I am strong and God will allow struggles get me to my weak point to remind me of my need for Him and Him alone as the fulfilment of all things in my life. That does not come natural for me.
Now as I struggle through the rest of these issues I look to Him and to His plan because mine is continually wrong and fails. I don't know what to do today let alone tomorrow but know only that if I seek to glorify Him in all that I do then I am living as I should. If I could only stay at His feet and not run to other things and people. So, the current issue before me is Seattle and if and when and so the next few months I will be battling through that issue. There is a job custom made for me that sounds amazing and it's location also stands perfect. So, the question now is that with everything that is going on in my life...is God pushing me there by all He is doing here or is He trying to teach me not to run (which I am amazing at...been practicing my entire life in fact)? And which it is...I can not say....And so for now....I will just have to spend time at His feet and beg Him for the clarity as to the direction I should pursue.
