Hair

So, this is an odd coversation yet for some reason very important to me. The topic: haircolor. I seem to like an ever changing array of colors as far is my hair is concerned and this can cause one of many problems. In fact, as I sit here my hair is absorbing the latest box and bottle of dye. I can not keep up with hair growing in because no matter what you do it never matches the color of any dye. This, seems to cause a constant cycle of cost and change. Change is good. I love to change colors but I don't like the cost involved. Holy cow they can rack up quickly when you have 2 or three shades weaved into your hair. The colors are beautiful yet sometimes not worth the percentage of the paycheck. And, it seems you hit the perfect shades only once ever so often. So, I take matters into my own hands...at times. And, I may end up with a very expensive fixer upper, or a color and shade I may keep for at least 4 weeks. Oh, well. Tonight....it is no different as my last color had become a tone of RED. NO...terrible. So, I sit. I am cancelling my hair appointment for tom. and instead using a $12 bottle. I have no clue what color will emerge from the washed protein on my head....but, I know that it saved me over $100. Hurray! That makes my evening and it is time to rinse. Adios.

A quiet night.

It’s a stormy evening only about 8. The room is moderatly lit and the noise is mellow. A mixture of Cuban sound and conversations cause my thoughts to drift in and out. The large raindrops begin to splatter on the window sill beside me. I share the the table with my bible, my cellphone, my journal and pen, a water bottle, and a book (Beauty by the Book), and a tall warm cup of Guatemala (a coffee that pairs well with cocoa though I have no plans for any). The storm outside begins to excite as the lighting flashes. The wind picks up and blows the palms around me and my eyes change focus from the rain outside to my reflection in the glass. I am missing God right now as my lack of giving myself daily bread has increased. I snuggle up in my favorite black hoodie to reflect. God is here though I fail to keep Him always on my mind. And in this moment I want to ponder on things of God.

So I sit and read a great passage from James. This book is so good when your facing any kind of trials and right now I am not sure if my life is an adventure or a trial. Perhaps a finely tuned mixture of both.

James 1:5-

If any of yo lacks wisdom, let him ask God who gives generously to all without reproach and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will recive anything from the Lord, he is a sober minded man unstable in all his ways.

What people want to believe...

This afternoon I was watching a music video put out by one of my favorite bands. The words of the song are so beautiful and it definatly stirrs up emotions like all songs. As I sat there and watched the peaceful and hopeful video I noticed a cross on Johns neck. Most likely it means nothing but I wish I had an opportunity to ask him why he wears it. The cross is not just a decoration. Would I walk around wearing a coffin around my neck, or a pitch fork, or a disected frog? I know those are strange examles but there is a representation behind the symbol some wear so filipantly.

Then, I watched more of the video and I just listened to the lyrics. I don't know where John's stand is on God, or if he even has one. The words in the song talk about a hope and finding better days. There are a couple of lines that struck me the most while listening. "And the one poor child who saved this world.
There's 10 million more who probably could. If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them." What does prayer mean to unbelievers? If they are praying to a God they don't believe in, one they don't trust or have a relationship with then there is no hope in empty words. However, if there is a God and most people believe this as a truth then how do they think they are going to heaven? If there is a God and the Bible is where His word is, then He has layed out how we should live within the pages. People don't want the pages, they want a God they make up. One who they call on in times of trouble though refuse to obey. They want one who say do what you want, live how you want, roll around in your messes and then call on me when one night you don't know what to do. And yes, God does say call on Me, but when you do I will change you and you will want to live for me and more and more like me.

The other line in this song brings about the idea of forgiveness. "So take these words, And sing out loud. Cuz everyones' forgiven now.'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again." Yes, and that would be true for anyone who would call and believe in God and accept the sacrifice of His Son Jesus on the cross for our sins. How beautiful is that joy and truth and yet few will ever know this is a fact and not just some empty words that a longing heart will sing. When people feel guilty or think they should have lived better they try to fix their life and make themselves worthy of heaven because they have decided this is an effort worth making. What they fail to realize is they cannot perfect themselves for even our best deeds are like filthy rags to a holy and perfect God. They don't understand that forgiveness is possible. Then later in the video or toward the end you see carved on a tree trunk, one word per trunk, the words; truth, faith, hope, and love. They are seeking these things but where in the world can they find them? They would find the true definition if they only looked to the creator and stopped looking to the created.

I love this song and this video as it holds much more meaning to me. It is funny how even unbelievers can preach elements of the gospel without even knowing it. It does however break my heart for those who will always be searching for those things. They may find the ideas of them temperarily which can distract them long enough to keep them ocupied. But, there will be only one thing that last and that is worth finding. Now, my heart just breaks for them but I am thankful of the reminder of the beautiful message I can see in their song. Here are the full lyrics.


The song is by the Goo Goo Dolls

Better Days
(John Rzeznik)

And you asked me what I want this year
And I'll try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe
We'll find better days

'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
Designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe
We'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone's forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the night
The world begins again

I need someplace simple where we could live
And something only you could give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're
Alive

And the one poor child who saved this world
There's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll
Find better days

Wanting someone to love....

Yes, I know...something new and different for me to talk about. I was thinking about the longing people have and desire for love and romance. I remeber when I first became a believer. It all began with a friend bringing me to a high school group. Then, I lingered. I had unanswered questions. I began to read the word but not without doubt and years of growing up in religion. My friend who brought me was not a believer and so the alternate motives were there. Guys....The pastor that night taught an extremely convicting message of heaven and hell. I did not give my life to Christ that night.

I hung around after that though my friend departed. I ran into a guy, his name was Nick. Black hair, blue eyes and he played guitar. I began to hang around trying to get to know Nick better. Then, one night I heard him play the song "In the Secret." That song is amazing and took words and feelings I had stored up for some "prince charming" who would one day come into my life. What I did not understand or believe at that moments was how true that statement was. It was about my prince charming. In fact I could not understand how he could sing such passionate and romantic words to a god. I was going to hang arround and find out more.

Now, about 9 years later I still remember that night. Even more now then before do I understand the meaning of those words and how we often over romantacise earthly love. It is something people need and long for. I get that and that God made marriage as a beautiful connection and representation of His love for us. It is a companionship made to more fully understand God and to glorify Him most.

I can so often get caught up in emotion or romantic ideas and that has it's place. Only though as long as I always remember my first love. Songs often bring out emotion from me most. Songs and words really. So, I have to share another beautiful song that reminds me of the love God has for each of us. The love and relationship He wants us to put on Him. We can put demands on Him that no person will ever fullfill and only He will fill the holes we try and put others into. I know if we all just figured that out soonere there would be better relationships out there. And, singleness is all the more the most appropriate time to learn to put all the weights and pressures on His shoulders so that the perfect God and Savior can carry us through.

This song...yet another great reminder...if you read words best do that...if not I am going to provide you with a link to listen....thanks...Ok so I can't find one but you really should. (Much to sleepy)



After The World
Jeremiah 1:5 / Jeremiah 31:3 / Hebrews 13:5
Barrett / Fife / Noah / Young / Wyrick

You break the glass
Try to hide your face
Recorded lines that just will not erase
And buried in your loss of innocence
You wonder if you'll find it again
Was I there for the worst of all your pain?
And was I there when your blue skies ran away?
Was I there when the rains were flooding you off of your feet?
Those were my tears falling down for you, falling down for you
I'm the one that you've been looking for
I'm the one that you've been waiting for
I've had my eyes on you ever since you were born
I will love you after the rain falls down
I will love you after the sun goes out
I'll have my eyes on you after the world is no more
Did I arrange the light of your first day?
Did I create the rhythm your heart makes?
Could you believe when your candle starts to fade
I want to be the one that you believe
Could take it all away, take your heart away
Bridge
Isn't my life a clear sign
Since I have crossed over this chasm
To fill the space between me and you
And I will do it all over again
Just look for me, just wait for me
The one you've been looking for
The one you've been waiting for
You won't have to look anymore

Bruchko

Ok, so this is strange but I am simultaneosly posting the sames blogs from here now on my myspace...Basically it is good for me to look backward at later on in time and so this is a great way to keep track of things. Don't bother reading both but if you have not yet read any then great!


Missions is something I love and it stirs up a heartbeat inside me. Tonight…. today really I read a book called Bruchko. It had been sitting on my shelf for about 8 months and every time I had meant to pick it up I simply found something else that needed my attention at the time. I have been over the last year reading through certain missions books as my interest continues in that direction. On my cruise a few weeks ago I had read through the book "Shadow of the Almighty" by Elizabeth Elliot (technically by her husband Jim). That book was so awesome and falls hand in hand with the movie that came out last year called the Edge of the Spear (A good movie that was a better book called "Through the Gates of Splendor"). So, last night when I picked up the book I was not exactly sure what was to follow by I had been encouraged by a mission's friend who now is back serving the Lord in Uganda, that I should read it (and move to Africa with her).


The book was so amazing and the story was fascinating. It was absolutely a page turner for me and so I lost track of time and was unwilling to put it down until it's completion. Therefore, my homework is still unfinished…. I wanted the freshness of the book to resound on this page so that at a later date I would remember the encouragement and excitement the story stirred up within me. It was a story of a man named Bruce Olson (Bruchko, as he was named by the "hostile" Motilone Indians) who became a long-term missionary shortly after his conversion. The greatest part about it was the encouragement and the way he learned to trust in the Lord. I guess I was extremely encouraged by the things he battled through and the way he was able to respond. I loved reading about his adventures in the jungle though I think even more now it would be extremely difficult and God has some serious preparation involved in calling people to serve there. (I felt a bit nauseated thinking about eating bugs and monkeys, picturing the spears being pulled from your own flesh, the constant diseases and infections and blinding pain, and the stomach worm actually being so hungry for lack of food that he crawled out of Bruce's stomach via his mouth)




The things that struck me the most were great lessons God taught him and also the way that he approached witnessing. He grew up in a family that were church goers but it was not a believing family. He became a believer at 14 years old and Christ changed his life. By 19 he felt his calling…the deep aching to go and he sought to pursue this passion. It was against the wishes of his family and with many obstacles that he pursued the uncharted territory of the jungle. It's an incredible story of God teaching Bruce who he had to lean on to get him through it all.


When Bruce was able to live in the jungle and had began to see the fruit of his labor we get to see the heart of the Indians. It was beautiful to see the way that he was able to live out the gospel and continue his work with out even having an opportunity to communicate the gospel to the unreached people he lived among. I was so excited to hear how he was going to reach them. He decided that he would not "civilize" them and make him conform to what Americans would like to see, but like Paul he was going to meet them where they were! He found ways to share and used what ways of life he had learned. Through this he became more accepted by this 'unruly' people then he had in his own country. Oh I love that! That is one lesson I want engrained deep inside me. I want to passionately pursue God and opportunities not trying to change people to fit a standard but allow God to be in their culture and part of their lives. How cool is that?


The other thing that completely wretched my heart was the amazing faith of these people. When they accepted Christ it was more then the drugstore Jesus we often call upon but it was a great faith like that of Abraham. When the people were in need they cried out to God with belief and an innocent faith like a child. How beautiful the faces of those who know Jesus and walk with him that closely. He answers prayers and he was able to display himself in a new way to these people that even Bruce saw. He, the man who God had brought through so much had moments of lacking faith where the Motilone Indians were able to step up and believe. That is so great and I want to trust and believe like that. If we had the faith of a mustard seed we could move mountains! I want to live and pray with a faith that great and in that close of a communion with God. This is the reason I wanted to share. Not of course for a book report though I have to recommend this book as a friend did to me. All I know is that it stirred me up and I love that. Now, I have thought a little more closely about missions as I am still not certain of my role. But, whether I stay or I go I want to live a missional life. God may not give me the strength and courage to step into the unknown and dangerous jungles, (though at times I think that's what I want) but he will continue to teach me how desperately the world needs the truth.

When guys are hot!

Cute, hot, extremely attractive. Few words to describe the things we are drawn to. Interestingly enough the older you get the more you learn about these words and what they mean. It seems funny how each one of us is uniquely wired to enjoy different things and to be such interesting characters. Lately, more then ever I have seen more of what these words mean to me not just in the world.




It's funny because I actually woke up a little irritated about something this morning involving this issue. Irritated because even the church I attend I often feel as though it can be a fashion show where I must dress to impress….but wait, who am I trying to impress? I have heard news of some guys interested in certain girls I know well. This irritated me as well as they do not know one thing about these girls except what they can see with their eyes. Even the guys who may choose to pursue me are not the guys I really consider my friends and so I look away uninterested. What is church becoming? Who wants a place where to be chosen by someone of the opposite sex you must first learn to be adored on a worldly level. The whole idea of attraction has become about the level of adoration and attention you draw by how you dress, your many talents, how you wear your hair, your make-up, and even who your parents or friends are. I am simply uninterested.




What do I think makes someone hot? It seriously is beyond this. When I say someone is hot it goes beyond the fact they may be attractive. There are many of my guy friends who are very attractive but that does not merit my attention by any means. The things that completely draw me in are the guys with godly qualities and hearts that run my direction. Now, I am not saying at anytime that anyone should date someone who is not attractive to them but is very godly. I feel we should totally be attracted to someone otherwise it could lead for a very boring relationship. However, I feel sometimes the standards we hold are crazy and I am unwilling to play the game. I do want to spend that extra effort pursuing my true love, my God and Savior Jesus Christ.




I think hotness is totally a measure of some chemistry brought on by a serious love and passion for God. Some of the things that are the most attractive are guys who I can see their heart for the Lord and I get it. I love seeing guys passionate for the gospel, broken over their sin, guys who are learning to lead while letting God be their lead. Those are totally beautiful. It is so hot when guys are genuine and they communicate with you in a manner that matches you. When you see someone who loves sharing God's word in missions or just because he is so passionate about it…totally attractive. When they can be humble and gentle with you. All of these of course are a process in everyone's life and we as women go through the refining process as well. No one by any means should feel they have to be perfect because only God fits that standard!




Then of course we all have the characteristics we love and people we just have amazing chemistry with. These are also going to be unique for all of us as well. I am a sucker for dark hair, light eyes, guitar players, guys who are passionate, guys who make me laugh and are fun to be with, guys who are more laid back then me, guys who are not great dancers but are fun to dance with, guys who love the Lord and those who are going the same way as me. Guys who love me for my unique qualities and guys who love them and don't expect me to be someone else. I love guys I just match well. There are many guys in this world who will look as though they are going that way but I am going to wait for the one that God has for me. And, I absolutely am willing to wait weather God is just working on me or if it is him that he is preparing. God is here now and for always but a hot guy….totally worth the wait!

Our Song List

This is actual more of a thank you but also a reminder to Ms. Hannah and Amy. The girls made me the sweetest "Soundtrack" of all the songs in the last year and a half or two that we were "in love with." This is a thank you to them as well as a list by decending order so in another two years we can still remember our previous lists. We each had our favorite songs and artist outside of this list but it seems these are the ones we all got into and so listened to together all the time. Besides, music finds a way into all our hearts it seems.

1. Standing in Your Silence by Bebo Norman (this should have been number one but they forgot to add it.

2. You and Me by Lifehouse (MY SONG....)

3. Take My Hand by Shawn McDonald (they forgot this one too)

4. Blush (Only You) by Plumb

5. Real Life Fairytale by Plum

6. Real by Plumb

7. Motion by Plumb

8. Come Around by Paul Wright

9. Stars Would Fall ( I'm Crazy) by Monk and Neagle

10. Cable Car by the Fray (which they finally got into about six months after I had listened to it too much) (Still a great song though)

11. Bad Day by Daniel Powder (Amy's song mostly....I liked it until she overplayed it : ?

12. Come by Me by Harry Conick Jr. (MY ALLTIME FAVORITE SWING SONG)

13. Listen to Your Heart by D.H.T. (we still play this song too much)

14. Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield

15. Where You Are by Rascal Flatts

16. Divine Romance by Phil Wickham

17. Out There by Sister Hazel

18. Those Night by Skillet

19. Stay by the Goo Goo Dolls

I found a use for my Chemistry notebook!

Tonight I ditched church. Yes, I know I am a sinner just like everyone else but not because I ditched college group. I was just feeling really convicted about the fact I have been spending more time serving then just with God at His feet. So, I pulled up to one of my local haunts...(they are pretty much all coffee shops-aka gift from God) and realized I had only my Bible and school stuff with me. I really enjoy my Nutrition class and so put a little more value in that notepad. However, chemistry is another story completely. So, out came the yellow notepad which I was more then delighted to use for the purpose of a Bible study.

I just had one of those really sweet nights in the word though I would like to spend more time in prayer tonight just growing my relationship and dependence on God. But, I wanted to share some of what I studied as I was really, really encouraged by it. Let me take you through my thought processing first though I won't give it to you in complete detail. I love David...big time He (other then Christ) is the Biblical character I am completely in love with. I love reading through the Psalms and through books in the Bible talking about him and how he responds and talks with God. I love David's passion, compassion, brokenness, realness, love for animals, how he loves God so much, his music for God, how he dances before the Lord and just so much else. I can not wait to meet Him someday. Plus, the Bible tells us that he was a man after God's own heart. That is beautiful!

Now, whenever I am at a loss and it has been awhile I like to retrace David's life through the Bible beginning with I Samuel and often reading through Psalms at the same time. So, there I was in the less crispy though still pretty untattered section of my Bible. In the first chapter we meet Hannah, one of the two wives of Elkanah. She was his favorite but the Lord had not blessed her with any children. His other wife Peninnah of course used this against Hannah and so every year when they would go to Shiloh to worship and offer sacrifices to God Hannah would cry out to Him.

I Samuel 1:12-13
And it happened as she continued praying before the Lord, that Eli (a priest) watched her mouth. Now Hannah spoke in her heart; only her lips moved but her voice was not heard.

At this Eli accused Hannah of being drunk but listen to her response.

I Samuel 1:15
But Hannah answered and said, "No, my lord, I am a woman of sorrowful spirit. I have drunk neither wine nor intoxicating drink, but have poured out my soul before the Lord. Do not consider your maidservant a wicked woman, for out of the abundance of my complaint and grief have I spoken.

I love this picture first of pouring out our hearts before God. THis heard and compassion I so desire but in more of a diligent, faithful, with believing manner. I just love this example I guess. God, grants this but Hannah also makes a vow with Him saying that she will give her son to the Lord all the days of his life if He will allow her one. God does not always answer our prayers how we want them though He did answer hers. But, we must remember nothing is to take the place of Him and sometimes He does not give us what we want because it would. Sometimes He gives it to us anyways but then something good steals what belongs to God and we forget to give it to God and put it in His hand and care.

If you are still tracking I am almost finished. Eli has responded and when Hannah left her face was no longer sad which brought up anther good reminder. This is that when we are spending time with Him, and just the way we live our face should light up and we should be filled with joy. So, I will leave you not with my interpretation of all of these verses, but with the verses themselves and hopefully some of them will encourage you as they did me.

I Samuel 1:18
And she said (Hannah to Eli), "Let your maidservant find favor in your sight." So the woman went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad. (after Eli said may God grant it).

Shouldn't we glow, and be full of joy? Especially after spending time with God. It made me think of how we should be in the world and how we can't spend time with God and have in not effect us.

Mat 5:14-16
"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill can not be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

II Cor 4:6
For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of the darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

Eph 1:13-14
But when anything is exposed by the light it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore it says, "Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you."

Ps. 4:18
But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn, whcih shines brighter and brighter until full day.

And last but not least I have to leave you with something really cool a guy in my lifegroup shared about a year ago. He handed each one of us a small glow in the dark star and told us to stick it wherever we would see it. I put mine in my wallet and the analogy is that if you leave the star in the dark it wont ever glow in the light but the more you expose it to the light the brighter it will shine in the dark. I loved that and still have it stuck to the inside.

Arguments

I don't like not getting along with people. In fact it makes me very sad. Even more so when it is family. Guys can make me cry like no other. I need to choose joy in all situations, to preach the gospel to myself and to draw closer to my heavenly father. (Just a reminder and more for myself) Tonight I got in an argument with my earthly father and that is very hard for me to know how to deal. In fact any time I get in an argument with him I get a bit sick to my stomach and I cannot help but cry. I know it will be OK but I just want to understand him...that seems so impossible. This blog is not for attention so please don't worry or feel sorry. I am just being real. I am very joyful...most of the time but I think sometimes people forget that life is real. Believers don't necessarily have life easier but our weight is carried by someone much stronger. I know I bring this vs. up over and over and let us not forget it is actually tattooed across my back but..
II Corinthians 12:9
.....my grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness....

You should look up the rest of it. In fact if you have never read the Bible let me take this opportunity to tell you more about it. We have a great and perfect, holy God who sent His one and only Son(himself) to live a perfect life so that in his death our sins would be repayed and we would have an eternity with him if we would believe and follow him. The Bible is amazing as it is His words to us of instruction, encouragement, wisdom, truth, love and so much more. This is what I cling to and God constantly has to remind me I am weak as I try so hard to be strong. And when I want most to run into the arms of a guy, my protector, I have only to run to HIM. I pray that this serves as a reminder of what life is about and how it is not perfect. I know that it can only last a lifetime and I thank God for making it actually really easy...even thought it does not always appear as such.

Be joyful

I Peter 1:6-9
In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith-more precious then gold that perishes though it is tested by fire- may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

I love this because so often we run to vs. on trials and try to "work" through the situation rather then running to them to remind us of the treasure we have and command called joy. This is such a beautiful vs. that is telling us our faith is worth more then gold and it does get tested so that it will result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Christ. I want that response and now would be good. I want to see and know the inexpressible joy more and more (that joy being Christ). I love this as our responses to trials might be displayed simply as "I am being refined" or "I am in a painful place" rather then causing me at this moment to CHOOSE to respond in joy. Sometimes we can't find it or we don't know how or we might like to wallow in our selfish sorrow. We all have felt it, the pain that draws us away and then nearer to God.

I hope I never have to go through what Job did in order for my faith to be tested, for me to really see and rely on God and not the false securities the world holds before me. I want my life to result in joy. In a love song and to remember God's Spirit lives within me. I wish I always acted as such rather then disregarding what I know is right and choosing sin. Won't heaven be so great? A time where we will no longer struggle with the battles of sin. A time where we will finally know completion in the presence of our beautiful God and savior, our KING! There is something my pastor said once that I wrote on a card and it is extremely encouraging to me. "God did not tell you the day or the hour so that you would live like it was today."

Too bad my life falls short of that. Too bad sin is apparent. But, then I remember...
..."my grace is sufficient for you for my strength is made perfect in weakness..." (II Corinthians 12:9)