The poetry of words never ceases to amaze me though I am not inclined to say I am attached to poetry itself. I do however fall into a tuned in stage when it comes to sentences drawing a perfect picture and comparison in my head that stirs emotions. This is especially prevalent in song lyrics and all of these relate to life. Do I have a point here...of course I have many. Being slightly long-winded my strength in the high school speech or drama team was a term we called "spring-boarding." In fact I have already done it two or three times so if you are following this...we could be friends and if you follow till the end then give me a call and we will hang out, if you still follow and your male, a Christian, and single...will you marry me?
The first thought I would like to cover (and I think I blog or journal just so I get the thoughts out and can retain some level of sanity) is already lost amidst other thoughts already so I will move on to the next one. Life as of late is pointing out only so clearly my weaknesses and so my approach has been to try and focus. This is not something easily accomplished by me but I will make a valid attempting at the process. In doing so I have tried to cut out all extra things in life. I pretty much think anything sounds fun and like a great idea and so come starting all things well and finishing nothing. Hence the professional student with no hopes of finishing one degree since I have been all over the board. I think however if I try another degree I will go back to combining two of my past majors...photography and teaching. That is not going to happen yet though as I said...I am trying to focus on only a couple things and that is not one of them for this year.
Debt. Ugly subject isn't it? I sure enjoyed taking it on though. Mine is the cause of wanting to have nicer teeth and take on yet another major. Ugliness isn’t it? Well, as I work this off I have finally developed and understood the importance of a savings account and have a nice little one built. Then, off with the debt. Therefore...no more majors for this year. Also, being God focused. This is never going to disappear as a necessary focus because I am so easily tripped up by those untied laces that work their way under my running shoes. Shoot! They can come crawling in under false pretences as a ministry opportunity, a mission, and as many of you know, the distraction of a guy for me. Whatever. God is still working on me and unfortunately we can only be enticed by our own desires and that will lead us into potential for idols.
On this not chasing God I have been forced some new molding over the last few months and it is not only one direction that is getting worked. It seems though many more areas then I would like are undergoing construction. I have had some very humbling moments and as far as relationships go have learned more then I would like to chew on for this very moment. Sin can come for me in any and every form of relationship here. I have had to learn to let go and see what happens. I have learned how tightly I cling to friendships of all shapes and sizes, how difficult it is to let go, how much I hurt over it all. I was told by a very wise person just a month or so ago that I should just enjoy the time I have with people. A defining expression full of rich truth because when I find something so great I want to hold onto it so tightly. This is much more difficult then it sounds because now I have attachements, feelings, emotions, and all kinds of ather baggage. In fact....I don't pack light so get ready for a carload. Oh, brother what a blow love can be! This said, I am learning as many people around me I have "let go of".
This causes me to wonder. Why is it I only worry about the relationship with people in my life? I do not spend that amount of energy worrying about the fact I have not spent time in quietness and loving God like I should. I am distracted and any amount of sin will show up in my responses. Even more, when I am not longing and chasing and pursuing Christ, my terrible weaknesses rear their ugly heads and are often very noticeable to the people I am trying so hard to love. When this happens I either cling to tightly or run fast from the picture to try and alleviate my own pain. I hate feelings that are so deep and those that can be so confused. So, in essence yet another example of how sin can affect those around you when you do not see it coming. UGLY!
Thinking through all this I have cut out extras. For now until I can get a handle on doing things well and finishing, the others no matter how fun they sound have got to go. Now, this brings to point a book I am currently reading. In fact I began the book based on an email for a class I am signed up to take on Thursday nights at another church. I have nixed that idea as once again I will be taking something on that I do not need to take and I will not stay dedicated and will not focus on it. Therefore I am reading the book alone as it fits nicely into my week of gym, coffee, work, coffee and study, perhaps round two of gym or some event type and then...some low level of snooze! So, I have decided to read it alone because committing to one more thing will add to the social level (which I am not lacking and I would rather do anyways) and take away from the purpose here.
Praise Habit by David Crowder is of course this novel of choice and though only 40 or 50 pages into it I am taking my time through it. It is amazingly funny as I can picture what he is saying in his head and it makes me smile when he takes us through the morning process. Next, he brings us to the point of God and the pursuit of Him and how we should be doing all that through the day. Well, it is a great book and I will not spoil to much but since this blog is about words, unofficially I have to pull some things out from the book that entirely move me. I am overjoyed with God right now and have to be as it has been pointed out to me my focus is often other things (often guys but that is just one of the prevalent audible focus shifters).
I hope you can take anything from these great truths and if not...then I have a reference to look back at later.
"In a small, decisive moment I was aware of what was good and took effort to peel away what wasn't and in the process became re-enamored with the Giver of good."
-This was stated after a learning moment of something he liked and what it took to get it to good....the best in fact.... Now, what a day would that be. Those epiphany (no idea how to spell or if this is a real word here) moments where we remember God is the creator and what He has made is good and for us so that we will turn back and praise Him for it....The constant battle to praise the Creator and not the created....over and over repeat after me. The CREATOR is what has made this great the created thing itself though enjoyable is explicitly a taste of that which is better. Stupid human you were writing that thought and already thought of something I enjoyed and how I could be there and with that person. See, it takes no time to forget to give God the glory and to enjoy Him and praise Him for it all.
"Every second is an opportunity for praise."
"Expression with childlike spontaneity has become difficult. It bares too much of us."
Yes, it does and I agree with him. I also frequent that expression and though continually looked down upon for it feel the freedom in it. It is that type of moment where David was able to dance before the Lord in his underwear without thinking or worrying about the world and it's onlookers ready to tie our mouths shut and contain anything that would break out in joy and freedom of the chains they bear.
"What if this kind of praise freely leaked from us in delightful response to God?"
I think that is a great thought....let’s do it!
Another thought far though connected to these ones brought up nuns. How different they look and how different they live. The take vows and such and an outward appearance to show the eternalness of "Her old life was gone." The symbolism is not important but the truth for each one of us is. When we become believers that should be the truth. We are no longer attached to the old and our lives are to be different. There was a nuning ceremony where they actually recited, "I am espoused to Him Whom angels serve; whose beauty sun and moon behold with wonder."
WOW.....once again....WOW! That is absolute truth. I had forgotten. Wonder. The wonder of our God. The often lost awe. As we talked about in my lifegroup last week it is the lack or forgetfulness of the fear of God. That is absolutely incredible and no wonder my life does not look different. That is the one think I am desperately lacking and what is passion without fear and awe? Incredible...and for once I am speechless.
Fortunately for you I am now lacking a conclusion because I am still stuck in the truth of what a wonder our God is. Now, if I can just get a handle on that a little bit and drill it too me. If I can live in wonder not just of words but of truth. I think I feel glimpses (and yes I am certain you can feel glimpses...it is just a mix of sentences) through moments, through words, and so often for me it is the lyrics of songs. I just hope we are moved to God through it and to a life that with sin and passion and all God has made us to be displays this. Yes, I pray for spontaneity and passion and fire and loudness and boldness and pure and radical love that stems from this. That is what I want.
