I was reading through the Bible the other day and ran across a vs. that talks about patience. However, there was an important part that I had never noticed before. It was talking about having PATIENCE WITH JOY. That is interesting I thought as I so often work on patience but in regards to certain subjects do not always have it with joy. Not to say I do not live my life with joy because that would be untrue but I do not wake up every day and praise God for yet another day of singleness. (Though really I should as marriage is not for my sake and will only serve to serve someone else before myself and for God to further refine me.)
Let me just begin by telling you some great things I am learning and then I will vent as that seems like a smarter way of telling stories and since most of you won't want to read it anyways it will give you the important stuff first. God has been yet again wearing me down to the point I am simply tired and exhausted. Liking anyone for any period of time can make someone very tired. Especially when there is little to no guarantee that the person you like is interested in any person and that includes you. So, I took some of this frustration and others and chatted late one evening a few weeks ago with Lynne. She reminded me how important that it is for me to focus on Christ and made it a bit more practical. I literally sobbed as I sat there and "threw up" some situations to her. It can be so difficult and so frustrating to try and pursue Christ with all you have, when people (guys ) can be a distraction. I just confessed how tired I was of all of them. The one I like the ones I don't as there is too much thinking and effort involved and it can grind a person down.
Sometimes it is just admiring or noticing a guy that you like. Just like guys have to struggle daily with purity and thinking things they shouldn't girls struggle daily with how they think of guys. It is a different manner but just as guys are so prone to think of sex girls are so prone to think of guys and it is so hard to take that captive and focus on the Lord. I can not tell you how much pain and heart-ache this can bring about especially as you don't think talking about guys you like is a sin. Really though it may not entirely be your focus but if it occupies your mind it can be a sin. Especially if there is nothing between you at all. Even if there is if the time is not right and they do not belong to you or you spend too much time letting your thoughts wonder you are allowing yourself to push God aside and can make a person your idle. Let me tell you just about every girl I know likes some guy who is completely clueless to it. And as a girl we don' t do anything and even if we did I am not sure what it would be. If a guy does not pursue you just try to move on and hope that one of the ones you like will in return notice you. So, after a tear filled evening I realized how much I don't think of the situation like that and fail to take my thoughts captive.
Just like every other girl it seems I am completely confused by how guys think. I don't know why the ones you would never like often seem to like you. I can not fathom how when I wear a ring on my wedding finger I still get guys at the bank who ask me out and one who is very consistent and trys a new angle every Friday. I can not begin to pretend I know what you do when you like a guy and your confused. What on earth is O.K.? Nicole actually joked about this with me a couple weeks ago as I finally updated her on my "boy life." I had not mentioned it since summer camp and then when I told her she gave me three or four options.
- Talk to him and tell him
- Talk to Lynne and tell her-or at least ask her opinion and update her
- Let go of him and assume he does not like you
- Propose
Funny though the only option I thought of as real was number 2 and I have already told you about that one. Then of course there is number 5. which I will add. Do your best not to like anyone and just assume if they have not pursued that they do not like you. I don't know. She then asked Justin his opinion with out giving him any names or details and he said do not tell him because when Nicole told him it was awkward. I agreed with him and decided to work desperately on 5. (Then of course there is always spending some serious time with Jesus so He becomes the only guy in my life)
I actually read a book Lynne had bought for the girls. I finished it the same day I read it as did Amy and not because it was entirely full of new information, but because ever since the fall of man ( I am guessing here) but we have struggled to understand the opposite sex. The book was called "What every young woman needs to know." I think...and it was good though there were not any seriously "enlightening" moments. Well, maybe one. The fact women would rather feel loved and men respected. A funny opposite which I will not bother to go into great detail about. Basically there is little else to conclude or tell. I am desperately seeking God's wisdom and His joy in patience as that may be the only thing He is trying to teach me (though I am sure there are so many others) I want to see what He is trying to show me and teach me. Patience with joy, patience with joy....
2 comments:
HEATHER! NICE CHANGE! I like the pink and black action. You are officially the coolest cat of the week in the blog world. Nice choice. ;) That is an old picture, though, eh? It doesn't look anything like you! (Though cute, of course. What else would you be?????!!!!!)
Um, and I still can't quite figure out why I said "ridiculously good points"... I think I was in another world. Another world entirely. That's really an improper use of that adjective.
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