I want to cast a light not a shadow.

Conviction is present as always so that God may keep us where we belong. It is a manner that pride fights against and the response is of great importance. I have been thinking lately about how I am perceived in all situations as I can tell a difference in my manner and attitude when I spend even a day ignoring God. I know how important prayer is and how much the word affects our lives as well as allows God to speak to us. Why then can I allow myself so much time out of it?

I had a rather difficult conversation last week during lunch with one of the unbelievers at work I was trying to share with. She smarted off a statement saying "your one of the most judgmental people I have ever met". Of course I had to respond but it was not out of anger, rather hurt. She stated that because of what I look for in guys and said that is what makes me so judgmental toward others. She wanted to know where I get off and has basically made fun of me every comment I have made. This was difficult to swallow and my response was simply I am not judging them and I think nothing less of them but that doesn't mean I have to date them. She was just angry at the fact that I refuse to give in to what she thinks and everything the world was telling me. I was sad and hurt because I don't want to come off that way but I am unwilling to change either.

I called a friend during lunch and was pointed back to scripture. I knew it and but I was thankful to hear it. Then, the next morning during my quiet time I stumbled upon the price of being a believer. The vs. that talk about giving everything up for God and that there will be a price and it should be very costly. This made me feel so much better but also was hard to take in. I so often forget as my life can at times be too easy. I can forget to share as it is increasingly difficult where I am at, I can forget to love, to pray, to read and to put Him first. That is when my life begins to block the light and to cast a shadow.

I plan on trying to pray more, harder, longer and more purposeful. God may never take everything from my life but I know that He wants me to be at a place that at any moment He could take it all away and I would still love Him just as much. I want to be a reflection of Him, not something that hides Him. That, is a constant battle with self, time, and the world.

Thank you Father for your Spirit that dwells in us. I ask that it would be the light and strength that guides me. You tell us to ask, may I never be so prideful that I forget that. May I always be willing to give up even that which you have caused me to wait and be patient for. May my deepest longings be always for you and my trust overflow. I pray you would drive my prayer and own my heart...each and every beat you allow, every breath that flows through my lungs. May I be a light, not a shadow.