More

A bubble bath filled to the brim and a bottle of water off to the side. My eyes are tired yet I want so badly to speak. It is nearing bed for me since in weakness I finally crumble to the floor and settle down before bed. I look forward to the comfort I feel there or at least the attempted feeling. Everywhere I am I look to safety and comfort or a place to just rest.

Rest is a more then physical and begins for me in the mind. I have begun to understand, to be weak, to breakdown but in a beautiful way. I do lay in bed and long to feel the presence of someone near. That tends to be just how I am and so I create the illusion every night by sleeping against a border of pillows and a heavy blanket. It is only an illusion but it feels safer. I cling there, to the safety. So, now before I crawl up the stairs to say goodnight and hit the off day switch, I am contemplating God.

I had such a wonderful time this week having opportunities and discussion where I was able to share. There are few things that stir my heart more or in the same way and I get completely caught up in Him. I was sitting amidst the bubbles this evening and pondering life. I have had such an opportunity to grow this year and things have been ripped from my life in a crushing way. As the layers peel back I begin to see things just as they should be. My heart, my mind, my life is affected and I pray in a way that cannot be taken back.

As things get ripped and torn the bleeding begins and sometimes that is the first time you begin to see. There are some things I finally get and I pray that my life would be a perfect reflection of what You are. As the stress and pain of the day faded slowly away my mind was reminded to pray. Life, is exactly where You want it and where you have it. The clay is not to tell the potter what he is doing wrong (as sometimes I have the audacity to think this way). We can be thankful for what He is doing because it is right.

Single I may remain and though the world focuses on that I know it is more then O.K. More then anything are You and nothing should ever be a replacement for You because it will simply crumble under the stress of that weight. You really are what matters and what everything else centers around. Drawn in and closer I desire Your presence more then anything. May nothing come between because it does not matter. When I am weak, forgive my uncaptivated passion.

Tonight has been a compilation of a composers work coming to a beautiful climax. In life we think those moments and milestones are all based on us but what if they are entirely based on Him. How much I have fallen and may I continue because it is the place I find You that satisfies. It is of course like a song I have found and it came at a perfect turning point in my life. The moment when it hit me that I fill up with so many other things. No wonder my heart was always searching and always longing. I saw if only for a brief second how little it all mattered. And...I am more then O.K. with that. I know what falling in love feels like.

When your in love you pursue, you contemplate, you breathe someone in and cannot wait to be near them. You read every word they write, replay every memory, think on them all the time as the consumption takes over. Your heart stirrs and passions meet head and body. There is aching and longing and desire that is only heated up by sensing that person near. There are the ways you memorize and study them. You want to love them and you want to please them. To know them inside in out and to touch and talk with them. When your in love... And...loving God is the same. He should be the most important and passionate love in our lives. I get it.

So, if I am single or not, as life goes on through trouble and heartache, through every up and down...it is all for one and about the love of One. And He...is perfect and can take it. He wants us more then anyone could every desire us. And...His love is perfect. He can and will talk all of us..

I love when I find a song that is right where I am at....and I could not say it better.

"More Like Falling"
Give me rules
I will break them
Give me lines
I will cross them
I need more than a truth to believe
I need a truth that lives, moves, and breathes
To sweep me off my feet
It ought to be

More like falling in love
Than something to believe in
More like losing my heart
Than giving my allegiance
Caught up, called out
Come take a look at me now
It’s like I’m falling, oh
It’s like I’m falling in love

Give me words
I’ll misuse them
Obligations
I’ll misplace them
‘Cause all religion ever made of me
Was just a sinner with a stone tied to my feet
It never set me free
It’s gotta be

CHORUS

…It’s like I’m falling in love, love, love
Deeper and deeper
It was love that made
Me a believer
In more than a name, a faith, a creed
Falling in love with Jesus brought the change in me