Too Much

Sitting here with my black framed glasses on as my eyes grow more and more lazy and dependant I have come to the conclusion that Grapenuts is in fact the perfect food. Though neither grape nor nut it just always sounds good and is a great and healthy substitute for either breakfast, lunch, dinner or a good frustration snack and since your getting a serving of dairy and fiber it appears to be one of the great things in life.

I am at this very moment in the state of utter exhaustion from a very long week and now looking forward I am realizing that I cannot possibly ever be board because I simply don't allow a moment to breathe let alone stop thinking. You know your pretty bad off when you have to play music at a fairly distracting volume in order to quiet the noise within. Perhaps this is insanity or maybe it is normal for the 3 parts of the enneagram numbers that I am excited to say are located in the "thinking" triad. So, in fact it is really just the way I am wired which is very unfortunate for all of you because that leaves for an overabundance of verbage at any and every available moment of the day and sometimes night.

The newest problems my mind is allowed to recycle through are the things I have yet to try but are on my newest task list of things today. I often say to people "oh, I am not really a planner...." but in fact that is the biggest misrepresentation of me as I in fact plan just about every moment of the day. (Let me clarify that statement as I do not plan the moments themselves but am always mentally planning something in my head) Finishing anything then becomes the actual problem but I start everything with an amazing excitement and passion so these things are going to be the same.

Now, I know your dying with anticipation for me to tell you the new plans I have (or to shut up) but either way for me it is more the telling and suspense that entertains then the actual. So, the non-sequential order of tasks which I would put in a check box form if I had any skills regarding computers are as follows; Running (in order to run a half-marathon in January), the ACTs (are you crazy I wait until ten years after college to take this on), an attempt at a Marketing degree, an attempt at ignoring the opposite sex (that will most likely last the next 8 hours...or at least as long as I am sleeping), and most important....really giving God the first place in my life and pursuing that above all else.

Problem 1: I plan but cannot keep a schedule for the life of me.
Problem 2: I cannot possibly accomplish these things as well without a plan or schedule to make them happen
Problem 3: I am a bit scattered
Problem 4: Christ is never enough in my life and I just don't know how to pursue Him better
Problem 5: I think these glasses might actually be making me blind when I was not blind before.
Problem 6: This week has been emotionally trying beyond belief and since then I have decided to purchase stock in Visine (though I actually don't like it I prefer another brand I cannot remember so Visine will have to work)

Figuring out the steps to this is going to be more and more awkward the next few weeks as each of these accomplishments require some type of preparation. This means a schedule which fits nicely into the average persons world but I am not entirely convinced that I fall in the average category. Not such a good fit for people who remember to purchase planners but neither remembers to write something in such objects of domination nor to read such items. (If in fact one can actually remember where one has put such object in the first place). So in the nature of too much here is my tentative plan to accomplish each and every one of these items.

The first step of course will in fact be to find the planner. Once that is out of the way I am off to a great start. The second is to swear off men as any form of distraction in my life as they seem to be one of my favorites. (I must explain in brief that I do not date pur se but am always trying apparently to spend much of my focus on one guy friend at a time...and then confuse myself greatly). First thing listed on this planner will in fact be God since it seems that is the easiest and non-tangible yet most important priortiy of my life. Why if I can't see it upon waking in the day do I so often allow other and less worthy distractions to allure me away from the One who is absolutly the everything and anything I need? I am far too easily pleased. The next step will be to set aside a time amidst the work for my school. This not only includes class and homework time but also the fact that in order to get into the Marketing degree I have to take the ACTs and from there get a 25. I have a little more then a month to study through a book the size of the Bible and a lot less useful so that I can get a grade on a test that I am already taking classes for. Next of course is this running situation. I have spent more time wearing myself down through tears and staying awake in thinking then was possibly necessary the last few days and so now I must no longer forsake my training but get on a planned and training schedule.(There is that blasted "s" word again) This is all confusing as some days it is run and some it is weights and somewhere in there I need some sleep as well and of course with that I must also keep track of eating. I have the ratio down and food in the frige but it will be the constant upkeep of the both together. If that wasn't already too much for my head I have to leave my social time and that time for normal cleaning and grooming which otherwise will be kicked to the curb and forgotten.

The next step in this plan is of course to get off this mesmorizing screen in front of me as the more I sit here the more the seconds travel into the past. Lots to accomplish yet tonight and little direction on how exactly this is all to occur. So, I leave like a moth in the morning and am soon to shut this bright burning light off for the evening and trade it for some much needed time in a much brighter light.