Beauty from wreck

Feeling the sun beating against my bare skin. The light shines from the sun making me squint. Breathing. Air fresh and free and the day is beautiful. Father, how precious are You and how amazing is Your love. The way lives change. There is so much to say to You and so many things I love You for. This note, or blog are just brief seconds of thoughts that ramble through my head. I should and probably could take this off for it is not a blog that I hide behind. Rather into my head it goes and with that the truth of what I feel. May it, though revealing find it's way to bringing God glory though it will show beauty and ugliness of truth.

So much to say and so much on my heart. It moves forward in humble adoration of my King and how is perfecting me one step at a time. Not perfecting as if I will ever reach that place but in the way that my life is undergoing constant fire. I am not to be what I am but will a broken vessel continually renewed and filled by the plans God has for me.

Relief and deep breaths. Good breaths and good feelings in my heart and in my chest. There are still things I dislike and there is still pain but I am not feeling it. It has been replaced by an inexpressable joy that I pray will be the remains. I long that my heart will always feel that even in the midst of deepness and overwhelming waves. My gracious Father I cannot praise You and thank You more for the moments you turn absolute mess and hurt into beauty. That is what You show me in my life that You do and in the plans You fullfill. And Father...in Your time they bring beauty.

Peacefulness of mind has been long in coming. There are goodbyes to say and things to chase Father. I want them and I want to do them for You. Forgive me for the ways I have chosen less. For the sins I have excused or overlooked knowing they were part of my plan. May I trust complitly in Yours. May the goodbyes be filled with joy and may they continue to encourage me to move forward. Fast forward I go.

In life I want You and Your complications. I want Your seriousness and Your commitment. I want Your love and to be completly covered in and by You. There is the Spain trip to begin. Letters and training. Money to raise. There are times on my knees and times to speak. People to love. I am enjoying the unfolding beauty of a relationship between two people who mean the world to me. Father, continue to shape and mold that into EXACTLY what You mean for it. May the be gentle with each others hearts. God, how precious that is and I pray for the continued innocence and absolutle joy in that. I love how You take the messiness of people and make in beautiful when they are pursuing You first. How out of it You can make them beautiful even though everyone of us brings dirt and junk and ugliness and just sin into the picture. You Father make us and change us into the butterfly.

New friends bring a light into the picture. Your surrounding me by love and people who Father are protective of me and my heart. The body is so important and Father You have blessed me in an immense way with such a covering of friends from different churches, different circles, different walks but all who love You and are taking amazing roles in my life and my mess. You see what we are and You don't think the less. Father, may You continue to change my complications and my ugliness into Your beauty. Thank You for moments of happiness and the joy that You promise. The freedom that is You and that You bring.

Relationships can tend to bring a sadness to my heart Father but You have relieved any of that and given me boldness and honesty. Sometimes I do not like that about myself but at the same time I am thankful that I have no desire to hide it out or be fake about the way I am. Bring in Your time the right person Father and may my heart not be shifted down roads I have no plan to go by guys who manipulate it. My heart is precious and it belongs to You and I gaurd that and protect that tightly. Father, Abba protect me from the pain of it responding when led and allow it only to open in the right time. I don't want to make a list of does and donts. May my life not be a list of pros and cons Father but may You just make it a blessing and all in the right time. For now I am closing all other doors because they are not right. You make it very evident because right now I see nothing worthy of my time and my energy. Only what brings You glory Lord...bring that... I can see what negative, manipulation and confusion can be brought into my life. That is entirely the wrong path Father and I want nothing to do with it. You get the best of me and my time and my love. I want to be fought for and so far am not finding a worthy seeker. In Your time and Father I will rest thankfully in that.

I trust You. May I know You. I want You more then anything Father and I know You have me there for a purpose or I would be home with You. May I use this time in boldness and with everything You have made in me. I love it and I need to live for You. Thank You Father. I belong facedown and at Your side and owe You EVERYTHING. Every breath, every moment, every laugh, every day spent in the grass looking up into Your beautiful creationg. Precious Father.....Be my music and my song and own my hearbeat. I SURRENDER IT ALL TO YOU.